The Stapler Story

So I cleared the written for Infosys. Holy cow! The HR interview was next. Now, I have a thing with interviews and vivas. Reminiscent of Hari of FPS. Anyways, there I was, waiting outside the Grilling Chamber for my turn to be deep-fried. The interviews in our college are conducted in computer labs. The labs have glass doors, so the interviewer has plenty of time to observe us while we wait for an eternity of waiting to end.

For whole 5 minutes I was made to sit right outside the room like a gatekeeper. (Thinking of metaphors is the last thing on a person's mind when he's waiting for an interview). Finally, the call came. Frankly, everyone was expecting me to breeze through the interview. My mind told me a different story. It didn't feel it could handle the pressure and was threatening to leave me when I needed it the most. Gathering my shredded-to-pieces guts, I made my way across the room.

"Good evening, sir!"
"Good evening. Please sit down"
Good start!

"Please fill in the form" and a form was handed over to me. I had to fill in my roll number, name, signature and time of entry. I could only appreciate the beauty of it. A clock was kept right there on the table. The form was merely a test of observational skills. I had asked my friend the time before I had entered the lab. Using my own calculations I arrived at a time 15 minutes into the past. The interviewer thought I was half-crazy. By the end of the interview, he knew I was completely off the hook.

The interview started off with the typical "Tell me about yourself?". So I began, "Sir, my name is Anurag. I hail from Chandigarh..ummm". I forgot! A self-introduction is a person's gateway to a good company. And I forgot! Seriously, one of the best speakers in my class was tongue-tied in front of a mere mortal!
"Sir! May I start again?", I asked innocently.
"Look, I know your name is Anurag and you are from Chandigarh. Continue"
The nightmare had officially begun.

"Tell me about your parents" A simple question. I answered all questions pertaining to my father. My mother is a teacher. That was the albatross around my neck. She teaches Chemistry in Tenth. So, it should be my favourite subject, Mr. HR said. Not by a long shot, I replied. Frankly, I hate chemistry. All apologies to chemistry teachers worldwide, especially my mum. Anyways, our conversation refused to drift and remained stuck to one subject: Chemistry.

"What do you dislike about Chemistry?"
"Basically Organic, sir. I just couldn't cram all those conversions."
"So, what does organic mean?"
My brain became hyperactive at that point in time. I won't give up without a fight.
"Organic...ogans...organisms. Organic is related to life. The first organic compound was Marsh gas...methane that was formed by decomposition of living tissues."
Holy cow! Did I just say that? Yes, I did.

"You mentioned methane. What is its formula?"
"CH4!!" I don't know why I even bothered to answer. Chemistry is not HR. I was screwed bigtime.
"So what is NH4?"
"Sir, NH4 itself is just an ion. NH3 is ammonia. NH4OH is ammonium hydroxide, NH4Cl is ammonium chloride."
So how did I remember these things from the hated subject?
"Sir, I don't know. Its probably becuase I have a sharp memory. I just remember things."
You NEVER ever say such things in an HRI. But I did. I had decided I might as well have some fun. Chances of selection were slim.

Yadi yadi yada...and the famed question arrived

"Anurag, what can you do with this stapler?"
There, staring at me was the stapler in an attractive shade of red. I decided to take a few deep breaths. Probably the stapler will disappear, even better the interviewer will disappear. Bad Luck, No Miracles!

Then, in a brilliant flash of brilliance, it hit me.
"Sir, notice the spring action of the stapler. I could design a circuit so that a bulb will light up whenever the stapler is closed. It will act like a buzzer. One wire from upper end to the bulb, another from bottom end to other terminal."
"What else?"
The stroke of genius was diminished with just two words: What Else. Here, I had a Nobel Prize winning invention and the interviewer wanted to hear more.
"Sir, I could build a burglar alarm based on concept of circuits."
"What else?"
Man, these HR people are cruel!
"I need time to think."
"You need more time??" Finally, he was surprised. Definitely, not a good thing.
Now, It was time for me to shut up and listen.

"Can you use to remove staples?"
I nodded in agreement. The obvious can be painful.
"Can you use it as a paperweight?"
Holy cow! Why didn't I of think of that. Must have a screw loose somewhere.
"Can you use it as a weapon, for throwing at someone like myself?"
"Definitely, Sir" I chuckled.

Some more talk and he started exchanging pleasantries. I better start preparing for the next company. We shook hands and I was out.
Finally, when I heard my name in the final list, I knew the stapler clinched it for me.
Wherever that stapler is, I wish it succeeds in everything it does. God bless the stapler.
And everyone else on this planet.

Yours truly
Infoscion Anurag.

India TV - Paradise Lost

When Rajat Sharma first conceived the idea of his own news channel, I was overjoyed. After all, AAP KI ADALAT was a favourite show of mine. Rajat Sharma's personality exuded the fact that the channel was going to be something Indians had never seen before. He was right. But in a different way altogether.

Starting off with some huge exposes, INDIA TV promised the moon. It seemed corruption would not stand a chance against the channel. From the politbureau to film stars, the channel was afraid of none. Unbiased reporting became its unique selling point.
And then...

Slowly, the rot began to creep in. INDIA TV had a niche market growing smaller by the day. With time, the market forces took control of the channel. The channel no longer subscribed to the same ideals that it was founded upon. Sensationalism was the key to survival.
"Man predicts he will die in 24 hours - Exclusive"
"Khali beats Undertaker - Breaking news"
"Amitabh Bachchan has common cold - 1 hour special"
"Aliens on the moon? - 3 hour special"

A new term TABLOIDization was coined to describe this behaviour. Somehow, true journalism was lost while meaningless gossip ruled the roost. Shahid-Kareena-Saif love triangle became more important than Indo-US nuclear deal.

Working 24 hours, the reporters could only come up with material that can be called NEWS only by an ignoramus. Nowadays, they download videos from YouTube and show them on television as exclusively covered events. Only last night, they were broadcasting a performance by David CopperField (Undoubtedly, one of the best illusionists of the 20th century). The poor reporters didn't even know who he was and kept referrring to him as a con man..[This person has cut himself in half, this person has girls dancing around to distract you, This person is an impostor!]. Pathetic!

The losers at the studio even had an EXPERT on the sets telling people that humans cannot fly. Disgrace!

I have only one advice to give to Rajat Sharma. AAP KI ADALAT is good. But one show can't save an entire channel (KBC was an exception). You held the world in your arms...and you let it slip. The good times are over.

And to you my readers,
If you are ever feeling stupid and believe there can be no one stupider than you, simply switch on the TV and turn to INDIA TV.