Dilemma

Here's something from the archives. This poem was composed when I was in eighth. If you think that you have read these lines somewhere before, you're right. This poem derived heavily from the poems in our English syllabus. Stopping by the woods on a winter evening - Robert Frost, The Muddlehead - ?, some other poems were all parodied.

‘It was a dark, stormy night.
Sitting near the fireplace provided great delight.’

So began the poem of mine,
About a boy who was nine

The poem was a compulsion, not a hobby
For a competition on creative poetry

I had a writer’s block; I knew not what to write
One can easily imagine the horror of my plight.
I could turn to no one for advice,
My condition; it seemed; was worse than mice.

I tried writing a poem full of humour
But it seemed to move from dumb to dumber.
Writing horror was my next try,
But it could only make the critics cry.

I circed the circ and looped the loop;
But what I wrote was just like soup.
All muddled, it had no head or tail,
In writing a poem, I did miserably fail

I have decided to write a poem
On the dilemma I was in
Thankfully this time it was not thrown
Into the garbage bin

On the first prize is my sight,
So I am writing this poem
So late into the night

The bed is cozy, warm and neat,
But I have homework to complete,

And a poem to write before I sleep
And a poem to write before I sleep

Ram-Setu

One of the most hotly debated topics of our time is related to religion. This post was triggered by the recent developments of the Ram Setu bridge. For the uninitiated, here's a brief recap, starting thousands of years ago in the era known as Traita yug.

Traita yug (A very long time ago):
Ram, the eldest son of King Dashrath of Ayodhya, was forced into fourteen years exile by Queen Kaikeyi to clear the throne for her son, Bharat. Ram obeys his father and leaves Ayodhya accompanied by his wife, Sita and brother Lakshman. Ravan, Emperor of Lanka sets his sights on Sita and kidnaps her to make her his own mistress. Shri Ram then gathers an army of apes and monkeys (featuring Hanuman, Jambavan, Sugreev etc). To reach Lanka, they need to cross a vast body of water. A bridge is constructed using rocks inscribed with Ram's name. Ravan's army is no match for the good guys. Sita is rescued and Shri Ram returns to Ayodhya for his coronation. Happy Ending!


2007 AD:
Modern day India governed by a coalition government called UPA. Spearheaded by the humble Dr. Manmohan Singh, reforms are introduced which although increase the GDP to a staggering 11%, leave the common man crying for mercy. Inflation is at an all-time high and the government; being a coalition; is constantly under the threat of collapse. One fine day, a suggestion is made. The expenditure by ships travelling between the eastern and western coasts can be significantly reduced if the Palk Strait between India and Sri Lanka is opened up. And thus, the proverbial can of worms was opened.

The hindu fanatics could not believe their ears. What the heck was the government talking about? The Rameshwaram bridge was a remnant of a glorious past. A reminder of the victory of good over evil. A place of worship. And the government was proposing to tear it down. Sacrilege!!
A nation-wide campaign was launched to discredit the government. Amidst the hue and cry, the government came up with proofs. The satellite images and findings by the Archaeological Survey of India confirmed that the "bridge" was in fact a coral formation. It had existed for a long time before Ram; the re-incarnation of Lord Vishnu; descended on this planet. Besides, another thing that the government had to whisper: The Ramayana is mythology, not history. There is no proof that the Ramayana isn't something similar to what Dan Brown writes. Why whisper? Because there is nothing that ties a person to his fellows like religion. Religion is what faith is all about. It binds the people together like a thread and has the power to make them destroy anything that does not conform. This includes crusades (mindless violence/bloodshed) in the name of God.
As expected, the decision had to be stalled. A petition was filed in the Supreme Court aginst the government for blasphemy and sacrilege. And the issue was put on the back-burner.

23 July 2008: (Today)
The government wins a confidence motion and can rest till the next General Elections; which are not too far anyway. Today in the court, the defense put forward the argument that according to Camb Ramayana (popular in south India), the Ram Setu bridge was destroyed by Shri Ram after the battle was won.
The prosecution and all the news channels proclaim: "The Camb Ramayan states that the Ram Setu was broken. It does not mention that Shri Ram did it!"

I say: "You dumbasses who call yourself true believers, listen to this. If everything that happens is an act of God or happens by His/Her will, that means the Ram Setu being destroyed was also the will of God. So, no matter who actually destroyed it, It was Ram who broke that bridge.
I'm angry with these pseudo-fanatics. Get a life, morons. You always make mountains out of molehills. Rameshwaram has great temples too. If you really want to worship, worship nature. Protect the environment. Use eco-friendly cars for your Rath-Yatras and clean up the Holy Ganga while you are at it. And instead of constructing a temple at Ram Janm Bhoomi, Why don't you build a charitable hospital there?"

PS. I'm a Hindu!

Love Story

The letter he got:

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?
Jill



The letter she sent:

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jill

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Love! We've all felt it, atleast once in a lifetime. I'm not talking about brotherly love or philanthropy. Its the love that lasts a lifetime.
Some romeos say that its not their fault. They claim that Cupid shot them with a machine gun, a triple-barreled hydraulic-action scatter cannon to be precise. Everyday is Valentine's Day for them. Once upon a time, I was one of them. Can't say I was happier then.Everyday was a new crush, daily flirting: Innocent and happy.

And then, one fine day, disaster struck. I met a girl who was unlike the rest. Friends say she was nothing out of the ordinary. But somehow, she left my heart aflutter. Like an angel descended from heavens,she walked into my life. Cupid had used a bazooka this time. I talked to her and got to know that she harboured the same feelings for me.

Life was Beautiful! We talked to each other daily.Our endless discussions covered everything from politics to science tests in tuitions. It seemed our love will last forever. If there was anything I wouldn't do for her...I wasn't aware of it! I could give my left arm just to see her smile.

Two years passed, I'm in college now. Another engineer in the vast pool of educated unemployed. I'm placed in a reputed company but that's another story. She's a medical student, doing her MBBS trying to rid the world of Cancer, AIDS and what not. Our lives have become too separate. I have my friends in college, she has her own. We hardly have time for each other now. At the time of writing, its been one month since I talked to her face-to-face.

Her smile doesn't fascinate me anymore. These two years have changed us a lot. They say, Distance makes the heart grow fonder. In our case, distance made the hearts go wander. Little threads of complacency have turned into a spider's web and bound us tightly. We can't even call each other acquaintances now. I love her but there's no joy when I hear her voice. I used to spend sleepless nights thinking about her and now her number is no longer on my phonebook.

I knew that the spark in our relationship had died/ burned/ fizzled out. But I did not try to revive it, I do not why. It was as if it had been just a dream. I was dragging along a remnant of the past. A past that had to be forgotten.

She gave me a bitter reminder of the fact when she dumped me. It couldn't exactly be called a dumping, just a long pending formal announcement of a fact. The distance between us had become unsurmountable. She said,"I want to focus on my career." One thing I always liked about her was her ambition. With the words "Don't talk about something that no longer exists", it was back to reality. Obviously, she meant our relationship. The words were true and yet they pinch me everytime I close my eyes. It was my own fault. There was so much I could've done. I've lost something valuable. For good.

The greatest journey is the distance between two people. In my case, the journey was over even before it began. My mistake, I guess I have to live with it. I'm still a hopeless romantic. But that's what I am: hopeless; in the matters of the heart. Everytime I think about a girl, I remember what a lousy boyfriend I was. I dread falling in love again. After all, starting a relationship is easy. Keeping it alive so that it can stand the test of time, that's hard.

(I've been reading a lot of Chetan Bhagat recently. Here's a small love-story about a lazy dolt in first-person. Form whatever opinions you may about the lead character. The lead character is based on a real-life person. You can leave your opinions in the comments section.)

Bookworm

Books have to be read. It is the only way of discovering what they contain. A few savage tribes eat them, but reading is the only method of assimilation revealed to the West. - E. M. Forster

Once upon a time, a knight of yonder wanted to gain all the knowledge there was to find in the world. Inquisitive, they called him. All his time would rather be spent reading a novel by any artist of yore. No wonder, his comrade thought he was a bore.

One fine night, he started on his search for online books. Knight worked at Night, because his dial-up connection did not allow him the luxury of bandwidth during peak hours. So, there he was, on his quest to find Philip K. Dick's epochal science fiction novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. Surprisingly, only one site led to his ultimate destination:
truly-free.org

The site was unlike any he had seen before. It was more of a library. Owned by the inscrutable Burgomeister, the site offered books far distant from the mainstream. There was Chinua Achebe, Isaac Asimov, Saul Bellow, Daphne du Maurier; even Dashiel Hammett. Somehow, the library was more of a cornucopia of books by award winning authors. Be it Nobel Prize, Pulitzer or even Booker, one was sure to find e-books of literature. That's how our knight in shining armour found Kiran Desai's Inheritance of Loss.

People may call it piracy, but it isn't. For one, the ebooks are ebooks; they can't be regarded as hardback or paperback commercial items. Also, there is a disclaimer on the site that as in the case of any library, the novels downloaded by any reader have to be deleted after five days, as a method of returning them to the library. Thirdly, no money exchanged hands. However, there is a special section for people who want to donate through PayPal. (Audioslave released their album for free on their site, yet there were millions who downloaded it through torrents. With such a large number of cheapstakes around, I wonder if anyone actually donates anything to truly-free.org).

Anyways, coming back to the point, if you are not averse to reading books on your computer or mobile device, here is a special site that can satisfy all your literary whims and fancies. A word of caution though, do not expect to find mainstream authors like Dan Brown here. But you can find Ian McEwan, Margaret Atwood, John Le Carre, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and ehm...our very own...V.S. Naipaul (Some people adore his writing, my opinion is quite the opposite).

Happy reading.

With the happy thought that he might have helped other voracious readers in CyberSpace, our knight rides off into the sunset.

Books give not wisdom where was none before, But where some is, there reading makes it more. - Sir John Harington

Management Fundae for Dummies (by Dummies)

These days it seems any dolt with a computer and internet connectivity can churn out a business book & make a few bucks. As a matter of fact, that's what most of the so-called management gurus believe. Everyday, there's a new book in print by one of these glib fibbers.

Personally, I despise management books. After reading about half-dozen (actually, two) of these time-wasters I believe that now I have sufficient authority on the subject to air my views. I began nurturing a dislike for the books when I realized that they actually are worth nothing. Not one book contained anything other than common sense. "If you sell more, you will earn more! If you cut costs enough, you can increase revenues without actually selling more!". DUH!

Management is not something a person can be taught. Its a practical subject and can be demonstrated by anyone. Become one of the organizers of your College Fest and you'll know what teamwork actually is. Leadership will be shown by students who were organizers last year too. So why do students of IIMs get so absurd salaries? Elementary, my dear reader. The entrance test for management institutes is one of the toughest in the world. The students who are able to bell the CAT are in fact, cream of the academia. The fact that they made it to prestigious institutes speaks volumes about their capability. After addition of a few finishing touches by the institution, they are ready to refuse a package of Rs 12 crore per annum and start their own business.

Frankly, my disposition towards the fad has earned me many enemies. Once I hid my good friend's management bible. He went to Indrajit Hazra who went on to write about "Who moved my Who Moved My Cheese?". I thought about returning the book, but it turns out that it became my Pillar of Strength. Actually, its supporting my limp computer table right now.

Anyhow, there's a plus side to the management invasion. As a matter of fact, I have developed a sureshot plan to make a lot of money from this instant money-making scheme. I plan to get in conflict with the most famous ones of the lot to gain instant publicity.

My masterplan includes releasing my own New York Times #1 bestseller, titled "The Engineer who bought a second-hand Ferrari from a Monk", blasting all management principles promoted by the self-styled managers. It will be succeded by a superhit sequel "Why did I buy another one of these Books? And other silly questions". As a matter of fact, I plan to write business books until the readers run out of money (or New York Times proclaims me as the next Robin Sharma).

BRAINWAVE:

Why does New York Times have so many #1 bestsellers? From Robert Ludlum to Spencer Johnson, everyone's been a #1 bestselling author. An underground mafia running the management book printing business? We may never know.

Indrajit Hazra

Humor is the shortest distance between two people
- Henry Youngman

Wait a minute! Wait. Wait. I'm having a thought. Oh yes. Oh yes. I'm going to have a thought. It's coming. It's coming. ...It's gone.

Well, writing about one of the few contemporary authors who has influenced me a lot by
his writing is...well...not easy. Indrajit Hazra has been with Hindustan Times for I wonder how long. If you haven't heard of him, try checking the music reviews section or even the centre page of the Sunday Edition.

Indrajit's style can be classified as Douglas Adams-ish. There's the usual sarcasm and dark wit prevailing over otherwise dull news. His writing heavily derives from the caustic humour that brought everlasting fame to Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

What I like about his style is that exact pin-point, sharp-shooting, hitting the nail on the head with a sniper's accuracy. His articles contain a solid punch with a loud in-your-face limbo. That's what makes a writer stand out nowadays, the same as 30 years ago.

To speak about his music reviews is inviting trouble. For one, they can't be summarized by any other word except Mind-boggling (suffixed by any of the following: crazy, stupid, critical, well-written, mindless). In fact, his articles are taken as crazy and well-written at the same time (which is a big thing to say about any journalist, atleast in my eyes). Each of his review shows sign of effort, never have I seen an article in his name that could be regarded as passable. It would seem he listens to each record before forming an opinion and sharing it with the readers. How much truth is there in this observation, I do not know.

Anyways, a writing force like Indrajit Hazra can't be constrained to writing music reviews and Sunday editorials. So, his novels were not unexpected. What was unexpected though , was his perverted sense of humour finding its way into them too. Each of his novels (the last one, The Bioscope Man, released three months ago) contains the same dark comedy that has slowly become his signature.

Although, personally I haven't read any of them, I have read enough reviews to know what to expect.

Here's looking at you, kid! - Robert de Niro

PS.
Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. The intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is all. - Oscar Wilde

PPS.
What's with the quotations? you may ask. Nothing particular, they just fitted in. :-P

Indian Idle

Well, this post has taken a lot of time. Not because I was busy as such, but there are other things like semester exams etc. which really require a lot of time and effort. Being the final semester of third year of engineering, I no longer have any faith in the current syllabus followed by our University. Heck, we are stuck with reading about IDE drives while SATA-II revolution has changed the meaning of hard disks everywhere. Anyways, my semester got over and I was left with nothing to do. So I did what I thought was a logical action: Switch on the TV.

I had been bashing INDIA TV for everything; Khali to Youtube video ripoffs. Apparently, there's more to INDIA than INDIA TV. Its a fictitious work called Reality TV. The channels are swarming with shows that show "Reality"...apparently.
As far as I can remember, it all started with the internationally acclaimed Idol series making it debut on Indian television 4-5 years ago. There was a certain Abhijeet Sawant whose voice brought a nation together. Moving on, presently there are atleast four to five song/dance shows on each channel. Be it Star's Voice of India, Zee TV's SA RE GA MA PA Challenge, or even Sony's Indian Idol. Other less popular ones include Fame Gurukul among others. TRP ratings of these shows used to hit the roof when the inevitable occurred. The channels lost the concept of reality. Each and every precious moment the contestants shared turned into nothing more than a publicity gimmick.
So, we had Harshit's octogenarian grandmother congratulating him on live television with everyone on stage crying to their hearts' content (It really made my stomach churn). Once upon a time, when we watched these shows, there was bond we developed with the participants. They were one of us, struggling to make a place in society. Their pain was our pain. We laughed when Rahul Vaidya cracked jokes, we cried when he was voted out. Somehow, gradually the connection was lost. A tried and tested success mantra bit the dust due to over-repetition.

Word of the Day: OVERKILL.

Now we have Star's "Jo jeeta vo Superstar", a platform for the finalists of Indian Idol, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, Voice of India etc to once again compete for the #1 spot. Well...it's not alone. On a similar track is Zee's "Ek Se Badhkar Ek". Now, the contestants; although familiar faces; seem distant. There's no bond, no connection. Most of them are now playback singers or have big record labels backing them. And WHERE'S THE REALITY, for crying out loud? Even the conversation between participants is some sort of advertisement.

"Hey, why don't you try ***** shampoo? It will make your hair smooth and silky."
"Thanks, it really works!!! WOW!! Now my hair is smooth and silky!"

OH PLEASE! We don't need that. Are you playing with our emotions? Cut it out!

Well, leave it to the channels to destroy an internationally successful franchise.
With these thoughts in mind, I switch to Cartoon Network. Ben10 and Naruto are good enough to pass the time. Atleast they don't have a silly anchor shedding crocodile tears.


P.S:
Even stand-up comedy hasn't been spared. We have all sorts of vulgar/obscene remarks being telecast in the name of comedy. It all started with an experimental show called Laughter Challenge. Its the same Laughter Challenge that gave us Raju Srivastava, who is now a pet of all news channels. Go figure!