Management Fundae for Dummies (by Dummies)

These days it seems any dolt with a computer and internet connectivity can churn out a business book & make a few bucks. As a matter of fact, that's what most of the so-called management gurus believe. Everyday, there's a new book in print by one of these glib fibbers.

Personally, I despise management books. After reading about half-dozen (actually, two) of these time-wasters I believe that now I have sufficient authority on the subject to air my views. I began nurturing a dislike for the books when I realized that they actually are worth nothing. Not one book contained anything other than common sense. "If you sell more, you will earn more! If you cut costs enough, you can increase revenues without actually selling more!". DUH!

Management is not something a person can be taught. Its a practical subject and can be demonstrated by anyone. Become one of the organizers of your College Fest and you'll know what teamwork actually is. Leadership will be shown by students who were organizers last year too. So why do students of IIMs get so absurd salaries? Elementary, my dear reader. The entrance test for management institutes is one of the toughest in the world. The students who are able to bell the CAT are in fact, cream of the academia. The fact that they made it to prestigious institutes speaks volumes about their capability. After addition of a few finishing touches by the institution, they are ready to refuse a package of Rs 12 crore per annum and start their own business.

Frankly, my disposition towards the fad has earned me many enemies. Once I hid my good friend's management bible. He went to Indrajit Hazra who went on to write about "Who moved my Who Moved My Cheese?". I thought about returning the book, but it turns out that it became my Pillar of Strength. Actually, its supporting my limp computer table right now.

Anyhow, there's a plus side to the management invasion. As a matter of fact, I have developed a sureshot plan to make a lot of money from this instant money-making scheme. I plan to get in conflict with the most famous ones of the lot to gain instant publicity.

My masterplan includes releasing my own New York Times #1 bestseller, titled "The Engineer who bought a second-hand Ferrari from a Monk", blasting all management principles promoted by the self-styled managers. It will be succeded by a superhit sequel "Why did I buy another one of these Books? And other silly questions". As a matter of fact, I plan to write business books until the readers run out of money (or New York Times proclaims me as the next Robin Sharma).

BRAINWAVE:

Why does New York Times have so many #1 bestsellers? From Robert Ludlum to Spencer Johnson, everyone's been a #1 bestselling author. An underground mafia running the management book printing business? We may never know.