A long long time ago

Once upon a time in a land not so unfamiliar, there was a 19 year old computer engineering student who had no clue where his life was headed. He just happened to attend a meeting for volunteers for an upcoming event by a society. The organizers were asking for volunteers and he was wondering whether he should have gone to have lunch instead. After much hesitation, he raised his hand. The rest, as they say, is history. If you haven't heard this story, please wait for my autobiography to come out.

Most people have trouble believing the fact that I was the President of ISTE (Indian Society for Technical Education) in my college.

A lot of batchmates from my school are now my friends on Facebook. It's a different matter that the only time we write anything on each other's wall is to write birthday greetings. I talked to some of them and their initial reaction was "Are you the same person? The Anurag in our class was very quite and reserved. He never talked unless spoken to. And you... you are just the opposite" (quoted verbatim without permission).

So, what could have brought about this change? Just an astute observation: chicks dig confident guys. Being a person who likes to see things from the sidelines, I decided it was time to take matter into my own hands. Yes, it was hard. Whenever I was stuck in a rut, I would ask myself: What would Shahrukh Khan do?

Yeah. The last paragraph is not true. The actual event that changed my life happened just before the beginning of my third year of college. I had just completed summer training and was raring to get back to college as the average, ordinary joe. And then, $#!T happened...

For the sake of continuity, I've put a link to the earth-shattering event here.

And what is the puspose of this post. Simply put, I had forgotten why I behave the way I do. As doubts crept in, I had started to question my ethics (or whatever's left of them). After reading that entry, everything became clear.

The State of the Republic

The sovereign, socialist, democratic nation of India adopted its constitution on 26 November, 1949 and began commemorating this iconic feat every January. Yesterday, we celebrated 60 years as a Republic. On this momentous occasion, lets go through how our constitution has helped us develop as a country:

The Fundamental Right to Freedom
Everyone in this country is allowed to have his/her own opinion. Let me illustrate with an example. Suppose you are a notable bare-footed painter. You will realize that people who do not like your works can express their disapproval by ransacking exhibitions and burning your paintings in broad daylight. The right to freedom of expression stops the police from checking this menace.
We also have freedom to reside and settle in any part of the territory of India and practice any profession. I wonder whether Raj Thakeray knows about it.

Right to Equality
All men are equal, some men are more equal than others.
Have you ever stood in line in front of a government office and spied the occasional bureaucrat taking his acquaintance aside and pushing his file before any else? If the answer is no, this blog isn't meant for you.
Women of our country want to be treated as equals and yet scream for reservation when it comes to seats in the Parliament and the Metro. Plus, I believe I'm going to be labeled a sexist because the first line of this paragraph does not contain any representation for the fairer sex. Damn!

Right to Vote
A right/duty given to every Indian above 18 years of age. Mumbai registered 45% voter turnout in the last elections. I wonder why they complain when corrupt politicians get elected. Votes can bought everywhere in the country except on eBay (they should change their advertisements).

Right to Education
Only 44 deemed universities were de-recognized by the Education Ministry before the apex court ordered a status quo. How does anyone shoot one's self in the leg? Its quite similar to the way our country introduces self-defeating reforms.
Remember Slumdog Millionaire? 'The Three Musketeers' was never in our syllabus. But we have read saffron-ized history that changed with the change in regime. Here's an interesting story on the plight of education in India.

Right to Constitutional remedies
I wonder what our fundamental right to approach the courts for justice was called. In India, Justice is blind. Absolutely blind! Try going on a shooting spree in a busy city at midnight and leave behind CCTV footage of the carnage as well as a hundred corpses. Years would pass by while the Supreme Court would let the government spend crores on your protection while you call yourself an aspiring actor in Bollywood. Why don't you simply rape a minor and get staggering 6 months in jail?

Right to Freedom of Religion
According to our constitution, no person can be discriminated against on the basis of his/her religion. Ironic, isn't it?

Right against Exploitation
The Wikipedia article on our fundamental rights says that the Right against Exploitation covers:

• Child labour (below 14 years of age)
• Forced labour
• Trafficking
• Slavery

The middle/cattle class and lower classes have long been exploited by the upper classes. Nothing for us down-trodden folks. Even OBCs have it better than poor old 'General' category.

And this concludes our lesson in Social Sciences. Be proud of our heritage - the land of Narendra Modi, Bal & Raj Thakeray and L K Advani (Names represent only the creamy layer of villainous evil-eyed fly-bitten ruffians).


P.S. The right to vote is not a fundamental right.

The Great Indian Bureaucracy

It’s almost incredible how we blame everything on the government. Somehow, every evil that resides in the heart of our country is because of the dirty politicians. Or is it?

Since time immemorial, we have found ways to put everything on the shoulders of the few in power. But what we have failed to realize is that maybe the Devil has been painted blacker than He actually is. The biggest problem ailing our country is not politics but the bureaucracy. The Devil is not black. He is red and taped to a file near you.

How many of us shudder at the thought of going to a government office? In other words, how many of us have delved into our phone-books for a name that will help us avoid a trip to the nearest bureaucratic headquarters? Remember the time when you bribed an official so that your file would be taken care of earlier than others? Or the time when you got an agent to get a registered driver's license so that you would not have to wait for endless hours in a serpentine queue? Maybe you’ll remember the latest incident when you jumped a red light and had to part ways with a five hundred rupee note that now rests in the shirt pocket of an alert traffic official.

But are they really to blame? If you have ever visited the inside of a government office you would feel surprised that they actually manage to get some work done. Files, folders and scraps of paper stacked together provide habitat to thousands of endangered species of insects. Cupboards provide shelter to adult pigeons and their families. It’s amazing the employees are actually able to locate certain files while misplacing thousands of others. No wonder they require certain incentive for working on any file, unsympathetically called "Bribe". This incentive is the only reason government officials disregard any concerns for their own safety and work for the uplift of the community.

Politicians hardly have any say in the matter. Quite a few of them are only concerned with filling their own pockets and so they let sleeping dogs lie. Some others, filled with a misplaced sense of patriotism and altruism, try to bring about “monumental" changes. Another minuscule number of politicians, satisfied that they have taken enough from the community, decide to give something back to the country. They propose reforms and changes, blissfully unaware that by the time their ideas begin to take a definite shape five years would have passed and their legacy would be buried in an inconspicuous file in a desolate government office. Many long-term thinkers realize the irony in working five years without any hope of re-election and then being blamed for inefficiency. So they peacefully pass their term in office, promising everything but achieving nothing. This saves them the trouble of unappreciated effort.

Bureaucrats are the real power-brokers in India. People at the centre change every five years, sometimes within 13 days, but bureaucrats persist. They do not pledge allegiance to a particular party but to the nation. But they are too pre-occupied with the malfunctioning red light atop their SUVs or getting their wards out of jail for shooting people in broad daylight. As a consequence, try as they might, they just can't spare any thought for the common man.

Frankly, I have grown too tired (and poor) by bribing every peon/clerk/registrar/policeman/misc I encounter. I humbly request the powers that be to have some pity on my plight and exempt me from paying this VAT called bribe. I would be greatly obliged. Please find a note of 500 rupees attached for all the trouble caused to you.

Yours truly

A Common Man

Flying High

Employees in the private sector in India are a harassed lot. They are forced to work hard for their measly wages which is very bad. Or so they say.

Today, the pilots of a private airline (Jet Airways) went on strike. Some readers would like to point out that it was not a strike. The pilots just took leave, all at the same time. Poor Jet Airways had no option but to cancel all flights for the day.

The TV channels had a field day showing images of a sad lady who was unable to attend her father's funeral because her flight was canceled. She was unable to make alternate arrangements at such a short notice and sobbed on national TV. But did anyone really care? The TV channels tried their best to sensationalize the news, sucking out every bit of emotion the poor girl had. The viewers had a gala time switching channels whenever her story was re-telecast (every five minutes, approx.). The pilots had no representative on TV so they got burned as villains.

Meanwhile, other private airlines (not Jet) secretly hiked up their prices. Those booked on Jet enjoyed every moment of cursing the mothers and sisters of the Jet Airways pilots/ management of the greedy airlines.

So, whose fault was it? Unbelievably, nobody's. Frankly, you have to stand up for your rights. No one else will do it for you. You should always be prepared for emergencies. You should capitalize on your opponents' mistakes. And you should try to stay ahead of the game.

Unfortunately, the above wisdom holds true. No doubt, it was the same the wisdom in the minds of the pilots/media/airlines/public when they woke up this morning. But something everyone conveniently forgot was Humanity. Did the pilots even consider the inconvenience caused to others before they made their decision? So the pilots went on strike. Did the other airlines really need to pinch the pocket of the already suffering passengers? Did the media really have to sensationalize the story of a woman mourning for her dead father? The way they did it, any sympathy the poor lady might have got turned into apathy of the viewers.

All in all, it was another glorious day in the sovereign republic of India.

Sometimes I wonder, why do people need to be awarded (with humanitarian awards) for behaving like every human should? Something is seriously wrong somewhere.

Weathered

I gave my last exam on June the 12th. This piece of worthless information is exactly what it proclaims to be - worthless. It’s almost two months and I'm still here. Sitting in the comforts of my home, doing absolutely nothing constructive and idling away my time.

I'm partially employed. I was placed in Infosys (my dream company! BTW, I don't find many companies in my dreams) on February 12th, 2008. I have been given a prospective joining date of February 8th, 2010 (which happens to be the birthday of someone in my family). Anyhow, the time seems to move with a very slow pace. Even pace seems to be the wrong word. Pace is supposed to denote Motion...but time goes by so slowly that it seems to be standing still.

I tried finding part-time jobs to utilize the 6 months. Unfortunately, the recession bug has opened up a new chapter in unemployment. There are plenty of jobs in BPOs and Call-centers. And the employers want qualified graduate candidates. My case is different, though. Since I did graduation in CSE (i.e. Engineering) I'm ineligible for the posts. They are willing to hire people less qualified/skilled than me who the recruiters believe will stay for a longer period than me. In other words, I'm over-qualified for the BPO industry!

This is awesome! For the first time in my life, I'm too good for something. I should feel proud. Being over-qualified should mean that I've been able to achieve more than the average working class hero. It also means that a fresher who joined the industry right after giving his +2 exams is working. And I'm not!

It’s kind of a bittersweet phase I'm going through right now. I just wanted to do something before joining Infy. I guess I would have to look for other options.

Yashaswi, my pen-pal from Hyderabad gave me a list of careers I could pursue. Most notable among them were:

• Paranormal Investigator
  
• Vampire slayer
  
• Radio Jockey
  
• A Mercenary
  
• Hired Assassin
  

Nitin Khanna suggested doing some technical course like SCJP/MCSE

Personally, I wanted to roam around India like Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild on Discovery Channel) or even try Free-Running.

Well, it’s not yet August so I have plenty of time to find something that suits me.

If you have any other creative ideas, do let me know.


PS. Why did I put up this post on my blog anyway? I plead Temporary Insanity.

New Divide

Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions. - Albert Einstein

Remember the time when Slumdog Millionaire was criticized for showing India in a poor light? Or when some idiot asked Aravind Adiga to apologize for writing White Tiger? Chances are high that you do not.

I remember the exact date when I saw Slumdog. It was December 29th and we all were huddled in a friend's room in the hostel, watching the movie late into the night. For the uninitiated, Slumdog Millionaire was released in India on January 23rd (almost a month AFTER I had seen it). But this post is not about piracy. This post is about India.

White Tiger (Aravind Adiga's Booker Prize winning novel) talks of two India(s) - India of Light and India of Darkness. He talks mostly about the India of Darkness where corruption is rampant, poverty forces children out of schools, the rich get away with murder, politicians fill their pockets with the common man's hard-earned money and the government remains indifferent. Somehow this India seems familiar to me.

Frankly, I saw nothing wrong with the book. People who claimed that the book showed India in a poor light should...well... go out often. It is true that Art imitates Life. They said that the author focused on only the bad aspects of living in India. Well, he IS a writer of fiction. He drew everyone's attention to the deplorable condition of the masses. He brought forward issues like Casteism that are often brushed under the carpet, irrespective of the fact that they are more rampant than ever. Reservation on the basis of caste, whether for higher or lower classes, is casteism nonetheless. Such efforts need to be lauded, not discouraged.

Slumdog was the story of rags-to-riches. From Hindu-Muslim riots to the gangsters residing in Mumbai's underbelly, the movie tried to show some of the things that were wrong with the country. However, the scene involving Amitabh Bachchan was wrongly glorified. Instead of saying things like "That was disgusting!" Big B should have questioned whether the human excrete Jamaal dived into was fake or not. After all, human rights of the child were involved.

The reason why some people found Slumdog atrocious was due to the stereotypes generated by the silver screen and the idiot-box. The poor working class hero of any YashRaj or Karan Johar film wears Gucci/Armani to work...everyday. The never-ending Saas-Bahu sagas feature divorces in which the poor hero has to give Rs 250 Crore as alimony to his ex-wife. No wonder people have trouble digesting the fact that nearly one-third of the population is not able to arrange for one square meal a day.

There is an interesting fact about ostriches. Whenever an ostrich feels that it is under attack, it buries its head in the ground assuming that if it cannot see the enemy, the enemy cannot see it. Ostrich hunters have whale of a time shooting such sitting ducks (did you notice the alliteration?). The people who believe that movies like Slumdog Millionaire or books like White Tiger are bad because they depict the truth are just like ostriches. Such morons have the notion that if they do not talk about a problem, it will go away. This notion is true if applied to attention-mongers like Rakhi Sawant (if you do NOT watch Rakhi Ka Swayamvar, chances are that you won't have to watch Rakhi Ka Divorce, or even Rakhi Ka Swayamvar Season Two), but not in case of problems that have plagued our country for years (Reservation, corruption, religious discrimination etc)

To summarize, there are issues which are more important than Rakhi marrying that bald Canadian guy. Issues that have been put aside for too long. Issues that need to be resolved before they divide the country even further.

Spun

Ever since Kareena got that Size-Zero figure, losing weight has become the new fitness mantra. While looking for some exercises that I can do without shelling out a lot of dough for joining a gym, I came across the following article.


Calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume:

• Beating around the bush ... ... ... 75
• 
  
• Jumping to conclusions ... ... ... 100
• 
  
• Climbing the walls ... ... ... 150
  
• 
  
• Swallowing your pride ... ... ... 50
  
• 
  
• Passing the buck ... ... ... 25
  
• 
  
• Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight) ... 50 - 300
  
• 
  
• Dragging your heels ... ... ... 100
  
• 
  
• Pushing your luck ... ... ... 250
  
• 
  
• Making mountains out of molehills ... ... ... 500
  
• 
  
• Hitting the nail on the head ... ... ... 50
  
• 
  
• Wading through paperwork ... ... ... 300
• 
  
• Bending over backwards ... ... ... 75
  

Cyberia

I have started looking for ways to promote the blog without pleading to all my friends to visit it.

I found quite a few blog directories that index various blogs far out in the unchartered waters of cyberspace.
Here is a list of a few that I visited:

• Technorati
• Blog Search Engine
• Globe of Blogs

It was quite late that I realized that I needed to be the owner of domain or the blog should be self-hosted for it to be submitted to these search engines.

Another glorious mistake!

To err is human, to forgive divine - Anonymous

Iron(y) Man

For some unfathomable reasons, Google rejected my application for an ad-sense account for this blog. I want my blog to display relevant advertisements and thus help me earn some extra allowance. However, the people at Google think otherwise. What is the problem if an average ordinary guy wants to earn money by penning down his thoughts? ...that too without using any profanities or talking about pre-marital affairs. I'm sure Chetan Bhagat never had any problems for finding sponsors for his website. There's irony hidden in it somewhere but you'd rather find it for yourself.

Shifting our focus to international matters, Hillary Rodham Clinton praised India for acting maturely after the Mumbai Terror attacks. It was commendable that we did not take up arms and launch a full-fledged attack on Pakistan just because a few terrorists attacked our commercial centre. We should have praised US of A for also acting maturely and not launching military attacks on Afghanistan and Iraq just because a few terrorists crashed their planes on two tall buildings. Something tickled my irony bone (next to my funny bone) here, too!

In other news, Mrs. Rita Bahuguna Joshi came back home...or whatever was left of it. Mayawati's supporters (apparently) had burned her house down in an attempt to renovate it with gasoline. Mayawati claims Mrs. Joshi bad-mouthed the Dalits so she deserves to be punished under a SC/ST Law that bans any discrimination against the so-called backward classes. Mrs. Joshi has been booked under several non-bailable offenses besides the "inciting violence" infraction. She awaits trial, while those who literally brought down her house go scot-free. Mayawati said that she will make sure Mrs. Joshi is punished severely. No action has been (or, can be) taken against Maya Memsaab. Some idiots with a misplaced sense of patriotism will consider it greatly ironic. They will burn with anger at the mockery that is being made of the Indian judicial system. They will fire self-righteous remarks about ideologies and other such expletives. But...they will do NOTHING.

Why do you think Mayawati is the CM of UP? Why did the Liberhan Commission require Rs 8 Crores to tell us what the media was screaming for 16 years? Why do you think politicians are corrupt? What makes them think they can get away with murder? (I'm serious, quite a lot of them have). The answer to all of the above questions is THE COMMON MAN'S STUPIDITY.

Nobody dares to rise up against evil. Yeah, Gandhiji proposed non-violence but he never said that one should always grin and bear oppression. In fact, He did say, "It is a greater sin to be oppressed than to oppress." I'll translate it for you. He said that one should stand up for what is right. The scum of the Earth mock us because we let them. After all, since the advent of RTI (Right To Information), a lot of corrupt officials had to face the music (Jailhouse Rock, I believe).

The most obvious question in your mind, "What gives this jerk the right to tell us to do something? Why doesn't he get up and do something himself." Well, if you ever go to Mullana ask the final year students (that means my immediate junior batch) about Anurag Saxena. They may not have all good things to say but they will agree on one thing...the guy tried to bring about a change. And that's far better than complaining.

If you ever come up with a plan that will reform our country, count me in. I may not lead from the front but I guarantee you will have a loyal ally. Just come out of this ennui and think of something that will change this world...for the better. If you have problems thinking big, think simple...how to improve your locality (that does not mean shifting to a posh area). If you are ready to rebel, you'll always find me by your side. I hope you don't see irony here because none is intended.

Be the change you want to see in the world. - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Complicated

Have you noticed something. All my posts have very strange names: Love Bites, Gotta be somebody, Take a Bow, Disturbia, Turn the Page...notice a pattern? Some sort of a hidden symbol? What is it?

Love Bites

Love. One word with a thousand definitions. A word that is present in every culture, every civilization and every heart. So, it should be easy to define it. But unfortunately that is not so. The fact is, love is the most complicated implication of Life. Booorrrriiiinnnnggg! Why the heck am I rambling about something everybody knows?

Maybe because I'm fascinated by it. Not by being in love but by the concept itself. An emotion that forces people to make as many irrational decisions as possible before they come back to their senses and realize the folly of their ways. Anybody who has ever been in love knows what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the unnecessary sleepless nights, the endless chats, the countless SMSes and never-ending conversations. Boy, don't they feel good.

And then... I've seen people grow out of their love. It's as if the love went its own way and left two wandering souls behind. Unfortunately, nobody realizes what happens. People are emotional fools. They are so dominated by their emotions that they don't realize when their thoughts change with their moods. I would love to name the person who left me in the lurch (see: Love Story and Love Story II) but of course, I won't. Its simply becuse I learnt so much from my own stupidity. I would love to thank her someday for lifting the veil of illusion in front of my eyes. It helped me a lot in understanding human psychology in a better light. After all, I'd been there, done that...I knew what it felt to have loved...and lost.

People are idiots. The Great Scott Adams has a great insight on the fact. According to him, every person on this planet is a moron everyday for atleast 5 minutes. And there are no exceptions. I have studied a lot of characters and know for a fact that the theory is true. If someone says that he did nothing stupid in the last hours, he probably did nothing at all. Which itself is quite stupid, wasting time just to prove a theory wrong. In case you are wondering who Scott Adams is, he is the creator of Dilbert. In case you are wondering who Dilbert is, you probably are not associated with life in cubicles.

Coming back to the topic, I think I should elaborate the connection between love and stupidity. Love is all about two way communication. Unless there is response from the other side, the relation is bound to fail. For the average layman, If the girl isn't interested in you, there is no force on the planet that can make her fall in love with you. Its that simple. In college, I never had a girl-friend. Okay, there was a silly love story but that was too pathetic to mention. Its not as if I was shunned by girls. I just did not have the time or money. I used to get sideways glances, slight facial gestures of recognition...those tiny signals that girls give out. You just have to pay attention to the details...like when a girl says "I'm fine" means that she is boiling with rage inside. It all in the details. Anyways, I could easily pick up the signals. No problem. Here is where stupidity comes in. A girl used to give me such signals, I could read it in her eyes. The thing was, I was too glad to have someone swooning over me. So glad that I ignored them. There would be plenty of time later. Later turned out to be eternity. She moved on. Thanks to my own stupidity, I missed out on Ms. Right. Lets just say she is no longer interested in me. I don't know whether she has found someone else.

The sad part is the guilt. I never got a chance to say that I loved her as well. Well, I did say it. But it was so late that no self respecting lady would have accepted. So, she did the obvious. Gave me the "Just Friends" routine. I think that she wanted to give me another chance but I did not deserve it.

So, I'm stuck with what could have been. I'll not say whether this girl was the same as the one in my previous love story entries. Better to create confusion in the minds of the readers (if any).

In any case, I came to realize something. Love stories are more beautiful if they have a sad ending. I don't know why, maybe its because humans are a sadist race (just look at the violence in everyone's favourite Tom and Jerry) or maybe because we love pain and cruelty. Yes, I said the same thing in two different ways. After all, take the best love stories our generation grew up on:
Romeo & Juliet
Laila & Majnu
Heer & Ranjha
etc etc etc

I guess we enjoy the pain. I just don't understand why.

The most romantic fantasies are the ones that remain unfulfilled. - Anurag

(If you happen to read this post, please do leave a comment. I would love to know what you think, even if its quite opposite of what I believe)

Disturbia

A word that has made the entire world shudder and bow down on its knees - Recession.

Recession is everywhere, prices are rising like the beanstalk in Jack's backyard, there's no job security let alone job satisfaction. People are annnoyed, confused and scared. Anyone who dares to dream about the future finds this poltergeist hiding in the shadows. But is that it? Is everyone a victim or are there people who are making most of this appehensive mood of the masses?

Nowadays, everything can be blamed on recession. Lay-offs in big organizations, bankruptcy petitions, higher prices, fall in stock market have been associated with it for a long time. But there are others. Noida Police attributed the suicide of a young woman to...well...recession. Colleges are hiking their fees due to...greed...no....recession. It is omnipresent. Everyone wants this nightmare to end.

Come to think of it, does everyone actually want it to end? Organizations are making a killing. Before recession, it was 3 employees doing the work of 4 for a good salary. After recession, its 1 person doing the same amount of work for almost no salary. He is happy just because he still has a job. Employees will work overtime without thinking about bonus pay. Do you think the companies will want the situation to change quickly?

In the market, the prices can be adjusted without counting the demand factor. Hoard goods, tell everyone its recession, hike the prices and enjoy the festive season.

Then there's the eternal excuse of having something to blame for your own failure. Humans like to have a scapegoat whenever they make a blooper. Recession's the panacea. Did not score well in exams, its the economy's fault. India lost a cricket match, recession affected the team's morale. Can't present your girlfriend with that romantic teddy. Ahhh, recession. Do you think we can let go of such a beautiful fabrication.

And they say, no good comes from a recessive economy!

When your neighbour loses his job, it is called an economic slowdown. When you lose your job, it is a recession. But when an economist loses his job, it becomes a depression.

Losing my religion

Cricket is the gulli-danda of the elite - Laloo Prasad Yadav

India crashed out of the ICC T20 World Cup yesterday. The newspapers and channels are busy bashing Dhoni and his men for the defeat. But, is Dhoni the real villain?

Cricket, in India, is a religion. People live and breathe cricket. Cricketers like Sachin Tendulkar have temples dedicated to them. In a nation of over 1 billion fans, cricketers are demi-gods. The fans idolize them. And then, there are expectations.

Cricket has become such a competitive sport in the country that the few who do make it to the top are objects of adulation. However, the hopes of an entire nation are riding on their shoulders. So, what happens... India loses one match in a competition...the captain's house is ransacked, effigies of the players are burnt. And these shenanigans are not restricted to any particular city or region. The entire nation suffers from the mood swings.

This time around, the Men in Blue had a lot to live up to. They had won the first edition of the T20 World Cup and the entire country wanted them to retain the title. But, they did not make it. So, what went wrong?

If you have been watching the news lately, you would say, there was a drift in the team. You are absolutely wrong. Cricket has such a huge following in India that cricketers compete with film celebrities in the gossip columns. And gossip, by its very nature, is untrue.

This time the team was prepared well and there was not much on the publicity front. If the team is out of the news for some time, it means that the players are actually focussing on their game. But what the Great Indian Media had everyone believe was that there was infighting among the Men In Blue. As usual, Dhoni had to shift focus from his game to dispel the rumours. But the media latched on to his every word. Literally. His every move under scrutiny just to prove that all was not well within the team.

Now, Dhoni is a flamboyant personality. He likes being in the spotlight, but not for wrong reasons. So, he had to fight with the media when when he should have been concentrating on his team. The media further went on a killing spree and destroyed any chances of a good night's sleep for Captain Cool.

And then, the inevitable happens. The players, who were forced to shut up the media with a show of strength had been distracted from their goal. The media had been successful in destroying the peace and quiet in the Indian camp. They said the players performed below par. If you have ever been told that 1 billion people expected you to win against the top cricketing nations in the world, would you or would you not feel the pressure? The players did not show it, but they were under a lot of pressure. The news channels are having a field day cursing Dhoni for a lacklustre performance.

And they say that a rift between Sehwag and Dhoni cost us the title. Oh please, cut the crap!!

Leader of Men

After the elections results are finally out, I'll resist the temptation to say "I told you so". Not because of any scruples, but because I didn't. Nobody did!

No one had any idea who would form the government this time around. There were genuine concerns over Mayawati finally fulfilling her dream and plunging this country into a horrendous nightmare.

What with only 44% voter turnout in Mumbai, the nightmare seemed liked becoming a reality. LK Advani, Mayawati, The Left Front...there was no one who was actually close to the public. The Congress itself was a mess trying to put together a non-existent alliance. Those concerned about the future of the country must have spent sleepless nights. I assure you, I wasn't one of them.

This time the elections were not about selecting the right candidates, it was about selecting those who would do the least damage. Irrespective of its notorious past (Bofors, Emergency etc.), the Congress this time was closer to the public's heart. Yeah, prices had risen, but they would have anyway. Yeah, there was recession, but it was handled superbly by the government. Although its allies kept threatening to destabilize it, the government stood firm on its ground. I'm talking about the Nuclear Deal. No, I don't know what it contained but if Manmohan Singh was ready to sacrifice his government for it, I would back it no matter what.

That's the whole point! Manmohan Singh may be one of the silent types but still he is a great leader. Leading by example. He does not ask anyone to obey his orders. He politely requests them on National TV to lend him their support. Better than Narendra Modi (or even LK Advani) who gain popularity by catering to the peoples' baser instincts...like xenophobia, religious discrimination etc.

These elections are not a victory for the Congress, they are a victory for democracy. Voter turnout was less. Those who did not vote should keep their mouths shut when the government makes any silly decision. After all, you had a choice, you made the wrong one. GTH!

Cheers to the Great Indian Democracy!

There's no government like no government! - Anonymous

Take a Bow

I never thought I'd be writing this post. But now, the end is near.

In the week 27th April - 1st May, I organized SYNERGY 2K9. The name was given to the otherwise boorish sounding ISTE WEEK last year. President Aashish Aggarwal and VP Anurag Saxena had come up with a unique name for a mini tech-fest consisting of five events in a span of three days. Mr. Kapil Goyal, a notorious teacher from the Mechanical Department had said it was impossible. "In your face, KKG!" was our triumphant response at the end of three days.

Fast forward to 2009. I had already proved myself with ISTE WEEK (See: Tears in Heaven). The name Synergy was going to become a fixture every year. Planning was in full flow. And then it hit me. My last contribution to college. My last hurrah! After dedicating three years of my life to ISTE, it was finally time to say goodbye. I felt heavy. No more events, just spend some time peacefully as a regular, ordinary student. But the path chosen 3 years ago did not let me return to mediocrity. SYNERGY 2K9 was destined to happen.

This time around, all technical events. The list:

• Tech Yard


• Web Hunt 2.0


• Bravado - The Corporate Quiz


• Bit Fighters


• Gladiator's Arena

We had an event from every discipline. From Mechanical to Computers. But something was missing. Electronics! There could be no robot making or circuit designing because frankly, ISTE in our college is a cash-strapped society. Our budget did not allow us the luxury of thinking about ICs or bread boards. We all were confused. And then- There was Light!

Tech-Chat was the answer to our prayers. Something that was loved by all...students as well as teachers. All applications duly signed and approved, all material bought. And so began the last dance.

The week preceding the events, I had gone to Ambala to place the order for the prizes. Nothing can be more embarrassing than selecting the trophy you are going to be presented with at the valedictory ceremony. I blushed but placed the order anyway.

In the prize distribution ceremony, I was where I had always wanted to be - on stage as an anchor. One last time!

May 1st 2009, 1545 IST: It was finally over. The name of the new President had been announced. Now was the time to be alone. ISTE had been my everything in college. I ran a lot less behind girls than I ran for events and meetings. It was fun, no doubt!

ISTE helped me salvage some pride. In a desolate middle-of-nowhere college run by a capricious management, it had given me hope. I used to think joining MMEC, Mullana had been the biggest mistake of my life. It wasn't. Whatever work I did, it benefitted me and my fellow students. I came in contact with talented individuals who were all ready to bring about a change in college.

The winds of change are blowing harder than ever. I just hope that the foundations of the college do not crumble under the pressure.

And now, I'm gone! In July, a new batch of students will arrive. And I'll be just a memory...fading away into ignominy.

Goodbye ISTE, it was worth every moment!

Be the Change you to see in the world. - MK Gandhi

Gandhi - the Vision and the Glasses

Congratulations to all my brethren for getting back what was rightfully ours. A certain pair of glasses that were under the hammer at a very big auction. India's prestige has been restored in the International community. Vijay Mallya turned out to be the greatest patriot of 'em all by shelling out a cool $ 1.8 million for the Gandhi Goodies©.

Somehow, I've begun to doubt my own sense of patriotism. My chest just refused to swell with pride when the news was announced. I apologize to Indrajit Hazra for quoting him here with the quote unquoted as he quoted exactly what I had been thinking.

My only question is: If we Indians wanted the Gandhi Goodies © (glasses, slippers, bowl and blood report)so badly, why did we ask the government to get them for us? After all, unlike the Kohinoor diamond and most of the Indian artifacts scattered across various museums around the world, these Gandhi Goodies© weren't stolen property that left an unholy imperialist-hegemonic ooze-trail across continents and time. This was fair and square deal in which the owner of the Gandhi Goodies© had decided to sell them to the highest bidder...No burglaries, no customs rackets, no Tomb Raider sequences, no RSS hanky-panky that we are so familiar with...All legit. So, why couldn't one of us, so keen to suck every Gandhi item scattered across the globe, raise his hand and make a bid at the Antiquorum auction last Tuesday night at New York?

No, you don't have to answer the above question. Not that I expect you to, anyway. What's the big deal with the glasses? I thought Gandhi was about ideology and not idol worship.Frankly, I have come to accept the Great Indian Hypocrisy as a way of life. To think of it, alcohol was the vilest thing according to Gandhi (That's why October 2 is a Dry Day!). Almost six decades after his death, India; his own country; cheered while his belongings were purchased at an auction by India's biggest liquor baron. Another one bites the dust in front of the Great Indian Hypocrisy! May his soul rest in peace.

This one flew right over the KINGFISHER's nest!

The Evil that Men Do

The terror attacks in Mumbai. I don't have to go into details. Yes, I condemn the crime. Why bother about capturing all terrorists. Catch just one and kill 'em all. Simple.

I grew up in Chandigarh. The 1980's were troubled times in Punjab. I remember mom and dad talk about curfews without realizing what the commotion was all about. In or around 1992, a certain Beant Singh was assassinated. The fact that he was Chief Minister of Punjab is the reason I used the word "assassinated" instead of "murdered". I grew up not understanding why someone had to die for someone else to live in peace.

Osama Bin Laden did some marvellous prime-time action by taking the war back to the US of A. Why? I know the facts. But I don't understand the reason. Nor do I understand the reason why US thought it had any right to meddle in Afghanistan anyway. Why the hell did Dawood Ibrahim orchestrate the Mumbai blasts in '94? It couldn't have been religion. The bombs never discriminated against Hindus or Muslims. They just did their job; took away innocent lives. The tales of terror are endless. I don't feel the need to elaborate any.

Why does a man turn on his brothers? This so-called 'Jihad' everyone keeps talking about, do even know the meaning of the word? What can you achieve by killing people who haven't done anything to you? What is the purpose of this mindless bloodshed? Does killing actually resolve any issue? Can you quote a single example where shedding the blood of innocents is demanded by GOD?
You can leave your answers as comments, maybe if I forget to delete them, I might even read them.

On 26 November, India (not including Kashmir. No need to count it in India, let Pakistan have it. I don't bloody care!) faced the biggest terror attack in its history. At night, a few armed men arrived in Mumbai. They killed many civilians and officers before they were finally subdued. The death toll stands at 195 (currently. That's 1 more than Saeed Anwar's world record). Intelligence officials claim that the terrorists came from Karachi. I don't bloody care. They may be residents of Papua New Guinea for all I care. What I want to know is the reason why? What did these madmen set out to prove? How can people be so dumb. They are fooled so easily by the pretense of Jihad. Heck, If you want to organize a Jihad why don't to start a few missionary hospitals and orphanages.

A lot of lives were lost. There is a lot of difference between laying down your life for a cause and dying for nothing. The NSG commandos and armed forces along with the police officials made our country proud. True sons of the soil. But what about the 40 or so terrorists who wreaked havoc on the City of Dreams. What was their cause? They were scumbags before they attacked and they are still full of crap. I have spoken a lot more curses than I'm writing down. Why can't people just understand? L-e-T denied any responsibility for the attacks. And they can wash their hands off the matter. A terrorist is a terrorist. If you have a problem with the system, why don't you stand up? Heck, kill any corrupt politician but spare the innocents.
Its easy to break bricks with bare hands because bricks don't fight back. If these terrorists have any self-respect, accept my challenge.

Stop hiding in foreign countries. Come here, and fight like real men. Cowards! You require truckloads of ammunition to disturb one city. Why don't you try to fight mano-a-mano; man to man unarmed. These guerilla tactics only prove your impotence. May God (or Allah or whoever you worship) cast you into the burning fires of Hell (or Jahannum or Hades or simply stick you up in purgatory)!

And Raj SOB Thakeray, just keep your mouth shut for at least one week. The common man's really pissed off. Just hope that you don't get burned down by the fury surging through our souls!!!

India TV...A Tribute (Definitely not the last)

This work is copied from an e-mail that landed a few days ago in my mailbox. Each picture is worth a 1000 words...








What? When? How?! Where!?


Oh crap!! Cows are missing!!! haaaaalp!!



Hats off India TV!!! What would we do without you!!?!?



I really REALLY like this animation!!



OH why not?!?! Coz bloody aliens will travel billions of lightyears so that they can drink delicious cow's milk on their long journey back!


Ha! why didn't I think of that before!? They must really worship our cows!! THAT's why they abduct them!!


Really!??!? You don't say!!!



Yes yes!! Our cows are being beamed by alien ships! The world is coming to an end!!! haaaaaalp!!



We better hide Indian cows!! Coz thats exactly what the aliens are looking for!! Quick QUICK!!



Oooooooooo! Flying cows!!!

And some more!


I told you aliens exist!!!! I was beamed too, when I was a child and I didn't believe in aliens!!!! HA! in your face!!! see the proof!!


Wow more proof!! HAIL India TV!


I dare you to spot the cow inside the encircled area!!
(psssst....it's flying!)

Go away alien freaks!!! Don't take our cows!!




Great reporting by a great channel. Keep it up, India TV... you couldn't sink any lower anyway!

Ram-Setu

One of the most hotly debated topics of our time is related to religion. This post was triggered by the recent developments of the Ram Setu bridge. For the uninitiated, here's a brief recap, starting thousands of years ago in the era known as Traita yug.

Traita yug (A very long time ago):
Ram, the eldest son of King Dashrath of Ayodhya, was forced into fourteen years exile by Queen Kaikeyi to clear the throne for her son, Bharat. Ram obeys his father and leaves Ayodhya accompanied by his wife, Sita and brother Lakshman. Ravan, Emperor of Lanka sets his sights on Sita and kidnaps her to make her his own mistress. Shri Ram then gathers an army of apes and monkeys (featuring Hanuman, Jambavan, Sugreev etc). To reach Lanka, they need to cross a vast body of water. A bridge is constructed using rocks inscribed with Ram's name. Ravan's army is no match for the good guys. Sita is rescued and Shri Ram returns to Ayodhya for his coronation. Happy Ending!


2007 AD:
Modern day India governed by a coalition government called UPA. Spearheaded by the humble Dr. Manmohan Singh, reforms are introduced which although increase the GDP to a staggering 11%, leave the common man crying for mercy. Inflation is at an all-time high and the government; being a coalition; is constantly under the threat of collapse. One fine day, a suggestion is made. The expenditure by ships travelling between the eastern and western coasts can be significantly reduced if the Palk Strait between India and Sri Lanka is opened up. And thus, the proverbial can of worms was opened.

The hindu fanatics could not believe their ears. What the heck was the government talking about? The Rameshwaram bridge was a remnant of a glorious past. A reminder of the victory of good over evil. A place of worship. And the government was proposing to tear it down. Sacrilege!!
A nation-wide campaign was launched to discredit the government. Amidst the hue and cry, the government came up with proofs. The satellite images and findings by the Archaeological Survey of India confirmed that the "bridge" was in fact a coral formation. It had existed for a long time before Ram; the re-incarnation of Lord Vishnu; descended on this planet. Besides, another thing that the government had to whisper: The Ramayana is mythology, not history. There is no proof that the Ramayana isn't something similar to what Dan Brown writes. Why whisper? Because there is nothing that ties a person to his fellows like religion. Religion is what faith is all about. It binds the people together like a thread and has the power to make them destroy anything that does not conform. This includes crusades (mindless violence/bloodshed) in the name of God.
As expected, the decision had to be stalled. A petition was filed in the Supreme Court aginst the government for blasphemy and sacrilege. And the issue was put on the back-burner.

23 July 2008: (Today)
The government wins a confidence motion and can rest till the next General Elections; which are not too far anyway. Today in the court, the defense put forward the argument that according to Camb Ramayana (popular in south India), the Ram Setu bridge was destroyed by Shri Ram after the battle was won.
The prosecution and all the news channels proclaim: "The Camb Ramayan states that the Ram Setu was broken. It does not mention that Shri Ram did it!"

I say: "You dumbasses who call yourself true believers, listen to this. If everything that happens is an act of God or happens by His/Her will, that means the Ram Setu being destroyed was also the will of God. So, no matter who actually destroyed it, It was Ram who broke that bridge.
I'm angry with these pseudo-fanatics. Get a life, morons. You always make mountains out of molehills. Rameshwaram has great temples too. If you really want to worship, worship nature. Protect the environment. Use eco-friendly cars for your Rath-Yatras and clean up the Holy Ganga while you are at it. And instead of constructing a temple at Ram Janm Bhoomi, Why don't you build a charitable hospital there?"

PS. I'm a Hindu!

Management Fundae for Dummies (by Dummies)

These days it seems any dolt with a computer and internet connectivity can churn out a business book & make a few bucks. As a matter of fact, that's what most of the so-called management gurus believe. Everyday, there's a new book in print by one of these glib fibbers.

Personally, I despise management books. After reading about half-dozen (actually, two) of these time-wasters I believe that now I have sufficient authority on the subject to air my views. I began nurturing a dislike for the books when I realized that they actually are worth nothing. Not one book contained anything other than common sense. "If you sell more, you will earn more! If you cut costs enough, you can increase revenues without actually selling more!". DUH!

Management is not something a person can be taught. Its a practical subject and can be demonstrated by anyone. Become one of the organizers of your College Fest and you'll know what teamwork actually is. Leadership will be shown by students who were organizers last year too. So why do students of IIMs get so absurd salaries? Elementary, my dear reader. The entrance test for management institutes is one of the toughest in the world. The students who are able to bell the CAT are in fact, cream of the academia. The fact that they made it to prestigious institutes speaks volumes about their capability. After addition of a few finishing touches by the institution, they are ready to refuse a package of Rs 12 crore per annum and start their own business.

Frankly, my disposition towards the fad has earned me many enemies. Once I hid my good friend's management bible. He went to Indrajit Hazra who went on to write about "Who moved my Who Moved My Cheese?". I thought about returning the book, but it turns out that it became my Pillar of Strength. Actually, its supporting my limp computer table right now.

Anyhow, there's a plus side to the management invasion. As a matter of fact, I have developed a sureshot plan to make a lot of money from this instant money-making scheme. I plan to get in conflict with the most famous ones of the lot to gain instant publicity.

My masterplan includes releasing my own New York Times #1 bestseller, titled "The Engineer who bought a second-hand Ferrari from a Monk", blasting all management principles promoted by the self-styled managers. It will be succeded by a superhit sequel "Why did I buy another one of these Books? And other silly questions". As a matter of fact, I plan to write business books until the readers run out of money (or New York Times proclaims me as the next Robin Sharma).

BRAINWAVE:

Why does New York Times have so many #1 bestsellers? From Robert Ludlum to Spencer Johnson, everyone's been a #1 bestselling author. An underground mafia running the management book printing business? We may never know.