Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Evil that Men Do

The terror attacks in Mumbai. I don't have to go into details. Yes, I condemn the crime. Why bother about capturing all terrorists. Catch just one and kill 'em all. Simple.

I grew up in Chandigarh. The 1980's were troubled times in Punjab. I remember mom and dad talk about curfews without realizing what the commotion was all about. In or around 1992, a certain Beant Singh was assassinated. The fact that he was Chief Minister of Punjab is the reason I used the word "assassinated" instead of "murdered". I grew up not understanding why someone had to die for someone else to live in peace.

Osama Bin Laden did some marvellous prime-time action by taking the war back to the US of A. Why? I know the facts. But I don't understand the reason. Nor do I understand the reason why US thought it had any right to meddle in Afghanistan anyway. Why the hell did Dawood Ibrahim orchestrate the Mumbai blasts in '94? It couldn't have been religion. The bombs never discriminated against Hindus or Muslims. They just did their job; took away innocent lives. The tales of terror are endless. I don't feel the need to elaborate any.

Why does a man turn on his brothers? This so-called 'Jihad' everyone keeps talking about, do even know the meaning of the word? What can you achieve by killing people who haven't done anything to you? What is the purpose of this mindless bloodshed? Does killing actually resolve any issue? Can you quote a single example where shedding the blood of innocents is demanded by GOD?
You can leave your answers as comments, maybe if I forget to delete them, I might even read them.

On 26 November, India (not including Kashmir. No need to count it in India, let Pakistan have it. I don't bloody care!) faced the biggest terror attack in its history. At night, a few armed men arrived in Mumbai. They killed many civilians and officers before they were finally subdued. The death toll stands at 195 (currently. That's 1 more than Saeed Anwar's world record). Intelligence officials claim that the terrorists came from Karachi. I don't bloody care. They may be residents of Papua New Guinea for all I care. What I want to know is the reason why? What did these madmen set out to prove? How can people be so dumb. They are fooled so easily by the pretense of Jihad. Heck, If you want to organize a Jihad why don't to start a few missionary hospitals and orphanages.

A lot of lives were lost. There is a lot of difference between laying down your life for a cause and dying for nothing. The NSG commandos and armed forces along with the police officials made our country proud. True sons of the soil. But what about the 40 or so terrorists who wreaked havoc on the City of Dreams. What was their cause? They were scumbags before they attacked and they are still full of crap. I have spoken a lot more curses than I'm writing down. Why can't people just understand? L-e-T denied any responsibility for the attacks. And they can wash their hands off the matter. A terrorist is a terrorist. If you have a problem with the system, why don't you stand up? Heck, kill any corrupt politician but spare the innocents.
Its easy to break bricks with bare hands because bricks don't fight back. If these terrorists have any self-respect, accept my challenge.

Stop hiding in foreign countries. Come here, and fight like real men. Cowards! You require truckloads of ammunition to disturb one city. Why don't you try to fight mano-a-mano; man to man unarmed. These guerilla tactics only prove your impotence. May God (or Allah or whoever you worship) cast you into the burning fires of Hell (or Jahannum or Hades or simply stick you up in purgatory)!

And Raj SOB Thakeray, just keep your mouth shut for at least one week. The common man's really pissed off. Just hope that you don't get burned down by the fury surging through our souls!!!

Love Story II

Friendship is a word used by boys to start a relationship with a girl. Alas, its the same word used by a girl to end a relationship with a boy.

Can you be so close to a person that the person feels that if you come any closer, it might jeopardize your relationship? No, I don't care about what your answer might be because in my case it was a resounding YES.

The thing still feels like a bad dream. I can't believe that a girl could say something of the sort that she said to me. There was only one girl whom I truly loved. Its true that I ogle at hundreds of pretty girls, flirt with dozens but at the end of the day, I know that there's only one girl in this world without whom my life is meaningless. And that's her!

We have been friends for like ages. I guess that's the root of my problem. We were talking about our future together when she spoke her heart out. She said (not in her own words), "We are like best friends. At least I consider you my best friend. And I'm afraid that if we make a commitment, we might fall out and distances between us would tear us apart. In short, I'm too afraid of commitments and I don't want to lose you.!" And guess what, I know that she was telling the truth (A direct hit right below the belt!).

So, she stuck to the cliched "Just friends" because she did not want to lose me. Oh bother! No wonder I have such a low opinion of women. Not in a bad way, in case you misunderstand me. To me, it seems that girls and boys are tuned to entirely different frequencies. Neither can understand the other. Sometimes, this simple fact pushes me over the edge. Why can't I make her understand...understand that I'll be there for her...I want to be there for her forever...that I love her.

Anyways, it doesn't matter now. I've finally accepted defeat. So, we are now "just friends". She wanted us to be "just friends", "just friends" is how we will stay. I guess that my search for that special someone never did end. Damn, I was ready to spend an eternity with her! But she wasn't.

Oh well, maybe now I have to find my soul-mate. Or hope that she finds me. Those mushy Mills and Boons love stories have started giving me the creeps. I pray that the concept of soulmates is not simply a figment of someone's imagination. Or I'm screwed, bigtime.

Anyways, this is to certify that I, Anurag Saxena, will not resume my search for a soulmate (at least not until I complete my degree). My soulmate would have to make all the efforts to find me herself. Too bad!


Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - Anonymous

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Tears in Heaven

Oh crap! Another entry about ISTE. But what can I say? I'm the President, this is my blog and my country's constitution currently grants me the freedom of speech.

This story begins about six months ago in one of our government engineering colleges, NIT Kurukshetra. A technical fest called Literati - 08 was being organized there. Sure as hell, a team from Mullana was there. Our team consisted of about nine students from Computers branch. On Saturday, there was an event called Junkyard Wars. The participating teams had to build a rocket out of scrap. The concept involved was very simple. A 2-litre PET bottle was to become the projectile. We had to build a launcher out of cardboard and plywood. Lots of duct tape was provided along with saws and hammers. The mode of propulsion was hydraulic pressure. The bottle's cap was replaced by a cork fitted with a valve. Once air was pumped into the bottle, it was only a matter of time before the cork popped out of the bottle and the bottle was on its way. Our team managed a measly 59 feet as horizontal range (The winning team got 106 feet!).



The one doing all the explaining is me. And the person pumping the air is NISHANT.

Anyhow, its quite painful to see big events being conducted in other colleges while MMEC is stuck up with Group Discussions as a mega event. I always wanted to do something that would leave a mark. Something that could give me the satisfaction that I contributed towards the upliftment of my fellow MMECians. And I found my quantum of solace in Tech-Yard.

My stint as President had been marred by arguments and controversies. 'The laziest President ever' was the most polite tag I came across. So, I decided to show the nay-sayers that I was a force not to be underestimated. Three weeks before the semester ended, a bunch of events were organized. The bundle of events was to last for one working week and was imaginatively titled "ISTE Week".

All the executive members were assigned roles as event coordinators for various events. The previous best for maximum number of events (Non-Fest) was five (in Synergy - 2K8). The record went one notch higher with ISTE Week's grand total of six. There was only one event that I was interested in organizing. That was something based on "Junkyard Wars". Now, easy as it may sound, creating a junkyard requires a lot of effort. I had to think of the different things that had to be provided to all students. N. K. Batra, the faculty advisor of ISTE and HOD of Mechanical Department was quite dazed when I told him about my intentions. He is a very nice & cool person and gave his full support. However, he was quite apprehensive about the success of the project. Anyhow, I began collecting the required materials for building the rockets and the launcher. Heck, the fact that most of the stuff we needed was supposed to be junk, we had to shell out a lot of dough (over a thousand bucks!!!).

The work that I did can be summed up in a few bullet points. However, bullet points do not convey the toil and the hard work that we did.

  • I had to got to various eating joints (canteen, Indian Kitchen etc.) to collect the PET bottles.
  • To get plywood (6 mm thick 2'X 2'), I had to make rounds of Mechanical department, Store (near Hostel No. 3), Diploma block and Accounts branch (about 1 km from rest of the college) on foot.
  • For hammers and saws, recursion was applied between ME department, Diploma Block and first year engineering block.
  • A trip to Ambala (25 kms away) was imminent, considering the fact that there is a Science street in Sadar Bazaar there. We found duct tapes, corks and most importantly, corks.
  • In all, thousands of kilometers on foot (I can exaggerate a little, can't I?) were travelled by me.

On D-Day, (20 November 2008) the event started off right on time, materials were provided in the right amount (except for hammers and saws). Pumps for the final judgment were arranged from God-knows-where by good old Nishant. Heck, Nishant is a great friend and fellow Infoscion. He deserves an entire blog dedicated to him. Anyways, the event was a huge success. Mr. Batra brought teachers from Mechanical Department to show them a whole new perspective.

The students enjoyed to the fullest and learnt something basic to engineering (Newton's Third Law of Motion) practically. Students came and told me how much they enjoyed the event. Seriously, I wept. Not in front of everyone, thankfully. I had achieved what I had set out to do against all odds. For once, I could say that I had given back to this world for all that I had taken. For once, I could afford to be proud of myself. Ahh, the sweet smell of success!

To have and to want more that is life. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The Return of the Super-Senior

On September 2, my final year @ Mullana began. Two months of vacation had turned quite boring. The unsurmountable itch to go back to college was insatiable. So, I headed back to college just to get back to the sheer monotony I had become so used to. I stepped in the college bus, eager. Eager to get back to place which had become so familiar in the past three years. It was in the same college bus that it happened.

We were the Super Seniors, the senior most batch of our college (at least in engineering). The feeling hit me quite hard. Three years had passed and now...just after a few months...it would all be over.

No more bunking classes, no more parties in the canteen, no more pirated movies in the hostel. A vague sense of responsibility and maturity tried to take control of me. Of course, college life had made me immune to such thoughts by now. However, the apprehension did manage to make a back-door entry into my mind. Just nine more papers to go. After 10 months, a new life would begin. Frankly, such thoughts can really shake a person. One moment you are making jokes with your juniors and the next moment, you can see the future. The same bus, the same seats, the same characters. Not all are the same, though. The juniors you were with are all there with the addition of some new faces, only one person is missing. And that's you! Boy, that was enough to make me jump in my seat. I was day-dreaming a nightmare.

Anyhow, the situation depicted the truth. The carefree, reckless, audacious, sometimes creepy, relentless flirt would make his foray into the profession of his choice. What would happen next? After this degree is over, what would happen to me? What about my friends? In college, I have met some of the greatest people in the universe. Would we still be in touch ten years from now? I sound depressed, don't I? Well, I was sad...when I was writing this post.

Also, ISTE has a new president this year...Mr. Anurag Saxena. He has been a great follower, but is he a great leader? Can he leave a mark? If only there had been genuine competition for the post, things might have turned out differently. A great quotation sums things up: "FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER". My mind had decided to drive me crazy. All I could do was to sit back till the feeling passed.

For the umpteenth time, I decided that I was scared. Only one question seemed to lodged in my otherwise fully-functional brain:
What will be the shape of things to come?

Well, the next episode is about to begin...

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Live Forever

The response I got from my colleagues for my last post was incredible. Seems like LIVE CDs were exactly what the doctor ordered. Quite a few have started looking at Linux without fear in their eyes and quiver in their voice.
Here's a little more about Ubuntu LIVE distribution:

The company behind Ubuntu (Canonical) believes that it should be FREE. No installation charges or service fees or anything of the sort. The latest release Ubuntu 8.0.4 aka Hardy Heron has met with a lot of success. So much that people actually want to install it permanently on their systems alongwith Windows.

Have you have tried Ubuntu?
Do you want to install it?
Are you afraid of the dangers of installing Linux without certified professial assistance?
Shifting partitons, creating swap partitions, making space available for Linux give you the creeps?
Are you scared that valuable data might be lost while trying to install Ubuntu on the hard disk?
Never fear, because Wubi's here.

Wubi comes with the Ubuntu release nowadays. It can also be downloaded from its site. As usual, hunt for the site's name (Hint: try "wubi installer for Ubuntu"). The minimum size for Ubuntu partition using Wubi is 4 GB.

If you have Ubuntu ISO image, copy the Wubi installer to the same folder. Run the executable.
  • Enter the Username and password. This will be your user id and password to log into Ubuntu.
  • Choose the installation drive.
  • Specify the size of installation. This is the amount of space allocated on the harde disk.
  • Click Install!

Once Ubuntu is installed, a folder will be created at the location specified during installation. An option to boot into Ubuntu will be available after restarting.

If you think that you are just not a Penguin lover, you can always uninstall Ubuntu from Windows by using the eternal Add/Remove Programs in the Control Panel.

If you have any queries or suggestion, do leave them as comments. I'll reply as soon as possible.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Live Linux, Use Windows

When I first started writing a blog I had decided it would only contain things that mattered to me. Events that influenced me. However, there's more to me than just watching TV and laughing my head off at the news channels.
I also happen to be a software engineer.

Loving computers actually leads to the development of hatred towards Microsoft. Yes, Microsoft has done a lot of great deeds with the release of Windows. The tremendous growth of Windows enabled computers to become personal. An interface that was beckoning to newbies to usher in a new era in technology. Millions and millions of people worldwide use Windows. But there is a dark side too. In an attempt to snuff out the competition, Microsoft violated quite a few laws. A lot of companies were bought out by Bill Gates to ensure his monopoly. Many ideas were lifted without acknowledging the original authors. Even C# was blatantly copied from Java (And Vista (not including Aero) was copied from Mac OS X)!

And thousands use Linux! Linus Torvalds had no idea that his kernel would spark a new revolution against the monopoly of Microsoft. If you want to join in the revolution without getting your hands dirty, let me tell you how.

Most people are scared of Linux. Its an entirely different interface, totally different coding and absolutely different perspective. Not to mention the different types of distributions available in the market. The perfect blend to make an average Windows user shudder with fear.

Let us suppose you are in love with computers. You have a plain desktop PC at home with the usual Windows and you like all the features it provides. However, you have heard a lot about Linux and want to try it. But there is a small problem! You do not want to let go of Windows. You haven't decided to make the switch to Linux and would like to use it on a trial basis before you actually decide to take the plunge.

The various organizations backing Linux saw this problem. And they came up with a novel idea. Why not install a Linux distribution to a CD so that whenever a person wants to use it, he/she can pop in the CD and boot from it. No installation necessary! Welcome to the world of LIVE CDs!
A LIVE CD contains an entire Linux distribution on it. The beauty of the thing is - No installation required! To use Linux use the following steps:
  • In the BIOS setup (displayed by pressing F8 when the computer is started), the boot priority of CD should be above the Hard disk.
  • Put the Live CD in the CD/DVD drive.
  • Restart PC
  • That's it!!

There are quite a few LIVE CDs available. Most of them are FREE. I'm mentioning just two of them here:
  • Ubuntu
  • Knoppix

The ISO images can be downloaded from their sites. Just to give you a sense of adventure, I'm not mentioning the name of the sites. Discover them yourself!
Once you have downloaded the ISO file which is almost 700 MB in size, just burn it to a CD. And you are ready to go!
So if you ever feel the need to explore the realm outside Windows, feel FREE to try Linux, LIVE!

If you have any queries or suggestion, do leave them as comments. I'll reply as soon as possible.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

What an idea, Sirjee!

This small post is dedicated to the ingenious minds in the advertising business. A few days ago, I came across the most touching ad. The IDEA ad featuring Junior B as a priest!

The ad is pretty simple. A priest sees a poor girl being turned away by his school because the seats are full. Feeling sad for the children who can't attend school, he prays to God. And gets an IDEA. Soon, every village boy and girl is getting educated like their urban counterparts. How? By the use of mobile phones!

All children in the village gather at one spot. A mobile phone placed nearby connects them to teachers of a missionary school, undoubtedly overseen by the priest. So, besides teaching the students in the classroom, the teachers are also teaching children who otherwise wouldn't have been able to go to a real school. In the Annual Prize Distribution Ceremony, the girl who was initially turned away (in the beginning of the ad)wins the best student award.
The ad concludes with the priest looking up at the sky, smiling and saying, "What an idea, sirjee!"

The very first time I saw the ad, I felt a tear trickle down my right cheek. It touched a very deep chord. Why can't we all be more like the priest? We are supposed to be the new India. Why depend on octogenarians to resolve our issues when they can't even take care of their own knees...ehm...health.

I could blabber on about the state of the country, the deplorable conditions of the middle class but that's not the issue. As was once said by JFK (and quoted by millions): "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!"

Kudos to the people who developed the IDEA ad (The ad company, the actors etc.)
Its brilliant...and maybe...just maybe...signifies the rise of the new India.

Friday, August 08, 2008

India TV...A Tribute (Definitely not the last)

This work is copied from an e-mail that landed a few days ago in my mailbox. Each picture is worth a 1000 words...








What? When? How?! Where!?


Oh crap!! Cows are missing!!! haaaaalp!!



Hats off India TV!!! What would we do without you!!?!?



I really REALLY like this animation!!



OH why not?!?! Coz bloody aliens will travel billions of lightyears so that they can drink delicious cow's milk on their long journey back!


Ha! why didn't I think of that before!? They must really worship our cows!! THAT's why they abduct them!!


Really!??!? You don't say!!!



Yes yes!! Our cows are being beamed by alien ships! The world is coming to an end!!! haaaaaalp!!



We better hide Indian cows!! Coz thats exactly what the aliens are looking for!! Quick QUICK!!



Oooooooooo! Flying cows!!!

And some more!


I told you aliens exist!!!! I was beamed too, when I was a child and I didn't believe in aliens!!!! HA! in your face!!! see the proof!!


Wow more proof!! HAIL India TV!


I dare you to spot the cow inside the encircled area!!
(psssst....it's flying!)

Go away alien freaks!!! Don't take our cows!!




Great reporting by a great channel. Keep it up, India TV... you couldn't sink any lower anyway!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Dilemma

Here's something from the archives. This poem was composed when I was in eighth. If you think that you have read these lines somewhere before, you're right. This poem derived heavily from the poems in our English syllabus. Stopping by the woods on a winter evening - Robert Frost, The Muddlehead - ?, some other poems were all parodied.



‘It was a dark, stormy night.
Sitting near the fireplace provided great delight.’

So began the poem of mine,
About a boy who was nine

The poem was a compulsion, not a hobby
For a competition on creative poetry

I had a writer’s block; I knew not what to write
One can easily imagine the horror of my plight.
I could turn to no one for advice,
My condition; it seemed; was worse than mice.

I tried writing a poem full of humour
But it seemed to move from dumb to dumber.
Writing horror was my next try,
But it could only make the critics cry.

I circed the circ and looped the loop;
But what I wrote was just like soup.
All muddled, it had no head or tail,
In writing a poem, I did miserably fail

I have decided to write a poem
On the dilemma I was in
Thankfully this time it was not thrown
Into the garbage bin

On the first prize is my sight,
So I am writing this poem
So late into the night

The bed is cozy, warm and neat,
But I have homework to complete,

And a poem to write before I sleep
And a poem to write before I sleep

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Ram-Setu

One of the most hotly debated topics of our time is related to religion. This post was triggered by the recent developments of the Ram Setu bridge. For the uninitiated, here's a brief recap, starting thousands of years ago in the era known as Traita yug.

Traita yug (A very long time ago):
Ram, the eldest son of King Dashrath of Ayodhya, was forced into fourteen years exile by Queen Kaikeyi to clear the throne for her son, Bharat. Ram obeys his father and leaves Ayodhya accompanied by his wife, Sita and brother Lakshman. Ravan, Emperor of Lanka sets his sights on Sita and kidnaps her to make her his own mistress. Shri Ram then gathers an army of apes and monkeys (featuring Hanuman, Jambavan, Sugreev etc). To reach Lanka, they need to cross a vast body of water. A bridge is constructed using rocks inscribed with Ram's name. Ravan's army is no match for the good guys. Sita is rescued and Shri Ram returns to Ayodhya for his coronation. Happy Ending!


2007 AD:
Modern day India governed by a coalition government called UPA. Spearheaded by the humble Dr. Manmohan Singh, reforms are introduced which although increase the GDP to a staggering 11%, leave the common man crying for mercy. Inflation is at an all-time high and the government; being a coalition; is constantly under the threat of collapse. One fine day, a suggestion is made. The expenditure by ships travelling between the eastern and western coasts can be significantly reduced if the Palk Strait between India and Sri Lanka is opened up. And thus, the proverbial can of worms was opened.

The hindu fanatics could not believe their ears. What the heck was the government talking about? The Rameshwaram bridge was a remnant of a glorious past. A reminder of the victory of good over evil. A place of worship. And the government was proposing to tear it down. Sacrilege!!
A nation-wide campaign was launched to discredit the government. Amidst the hue and cry, the government came up with proofs. The satellite images and findings by the Archaeological Survey of India confirmed that the "bridge" was in fact a coral formation. It had existed for a long time before Ram; the re-incarnation of Lord Vishnu; descended on this planet. Besides, another thing that the government had to whisper: The Ramayana is mythology, not history. There is no proof that the Ramayana isn't something similar to what Dan Brown writes. Why whisper? Because there is nothing that ties a person to his fellows like religion. Religion is what faith is all about. It binds the people together like a thread and has the power to make them destroy anything that does not conform. This includes crusades (mindless violence/bloodshed) in the name of God.
As expected, the decision had to be stalled. A petition was filed in the Supreme Court aginst the government for blasphemy and sacrilege. And the issue was put on the back-burner.

23 July 2008: (Today)
The government wins a confidence motion and can rest till the next General Elections; which are not too far anyway. Today in the court, the defense put forward the argument that according to Camb Ramayana (popular in south India), the Ram Setu bridge was destroyed by Shri Ram after the battle was won.
The prosecution and all the news channels proclaim: "The Camb Ramayan states that the Ram Setu was broken. It does not mention that Shri Ram did it!"

I say: "You dumbasses who call yourself true believers, listen to this. If everything that happens is an act of God or happens by His/Her will, that means the Ram Setu being destroyed was also the will of God. So, no matter who actually destroyed it, It was Ram who broke that bridge.
I'm angry with these pseudo-fanatics. Get a life, morons. You always make mountains out of molehills. Rameshwaram has great temples too. If you really want to worship, worship nature. Protect the environment. Use eco-friendly cars for your Rath-Yatras and clean up the Holy Ganga while you are at it. And instead of constructing a temple at Ram Janm Bhoomi, Why don't you build a charitable hospital there?"

PS. I'm a Hindu!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Love Story

The letter he got:

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?
Jill



The letter she sent:

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jill

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Love! We've all felt it, atleast once in a lifetime. I'm not talking about brotherly love or philanthropy. Its the love that lasts a lifetime.
Some romeos say that its not their fault. They claim that Cupid shot them with a machine gun, a triple-barreled hydraulic-action scatter cannon to be precise. Everyday is Valentine's Day for them. Once upon a time, I was one of them. Can't say I was happier then.Everyday was a new crush, daily flirting: Innocent and happy.

And then, one fine day, disaster struck. I met a girl who was unlike the rest. Friends say she was nothing out of the ordinary. But somehow, she left my heart aflutter. Like an angel descended from heavens,she walked into my life. Cupid had used a bazooka this time. I talked to her and got to know that she harboured the same feelings for me.

Life was Beautiful! We talked to each other daily.Our endless discussions covered everything from politics to science tests in tuitions. It seemed our love will last forever. If there was anything I wouldn't do for her...I wasn't aware of it! I could give my left arm just to see her smile.

Two years passed, I'm in college now. Another engineer in the vast pool of educated unemployed. I'm placed in a reputed company but that's another story. She's a medical student, doing her MBBS trying to rid the world of Cancer, AIDS and what not. Our lives have become too separate. I have my friends in college, she has her own. We hardly have time for each other now. At the time of writing, its been one month since I talked to her face-to-face.

Her smile doesn't fascinate me anymore. These two years have changed us a lot. They say, Distance makes the heart grow fonder. In our case, distance made the hearts go wander. Little threads of complacency have turned into a spider's web and bound us tightly. We can't even call each other acquaintances now. I love her but there's no joy when I hear her voice. I used to spend sleepless nights thinking about her and now her number is no longer on my phonebook.

I knew that the spark in our relationship had died/ burned/ fizzled out. But I did not try to revive it, I do not why. It was as if it had been just a dream. I was dragging along a remnant of the past. A past that had to be forgotten.

She gave me a bitter reminder of the fact when she dumped me. It couldn't exactly be called a dumping, just a long pending formal announcement of a fact. The distance between us had become unsurmountable. She said,"I want to focus on my career." One thing I always liked about her was her ambition. With the words "Don't talk about something that no longer exists", it was back to reality. Obviously, she meant our relationship. The words were true and yet they pinch me everytime I close my eyes. It was my own fault. There was so much I could've done. I've lost something valuable. For good.

The greatest journey is the distance between two people. In my case, the journey was over even before it began. My mistake, I guess I have to live with it. I'm still a hopeless romantic. But that's what I am: hopeless; in the matters of the heart. Everytime I think about a girl, I remember what a lousy boyfriend I was. I dread falling in love again. After all, starting a relationship is easy. Keeping it alive so that it can stand the test of time, that's hard.

(I've been reading a lot of Chetan Bhagat recently. Here's a small love-story about a lazy dolt in first-person. Form whatever opinions you may about the lead character. The lead character is based on a real-life person. You can leave your opinions in the comments section.)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Bookworm

Books have to be read. It is the only way of discovering what they contain. A few savage tribes eat them, but reading is the only method of assimilation revealed to the West. - E. M. Forster

Once upon a time, a knight of yonder wanted to gain all the knowledge there was to find in the world. Inquisitive, they called him. All his time would rather be spent reading a novel by any artist of yore. No wonder, his comrade thought he was a bore.

One fine night, he started on his search for online books. Knight worked at Night, because his dial-up connection did not allow him the luxury of bandwidth during peak hours. So, there he was, on his quest to find Philip K. Dick's epochal science fiction novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?. Surprisingly, only one site led to his ultimate destination:
truly-free.org

The site was unlike any he had seen before. It was more of a library. Owned by the inscrutable Burgomeister, the site offered books far distant from the mainstream. There was Chinua Achebe, Isaac Asimov, Saul Bellow, Daphne du Maurier; even Dashiel Hammett. Somehow, the library was more of a cornucopia of books by award winning authors. Be it Nobel Prize, Pulitzer or even Booker, one was sure to find e-books of literature. That's how our knight in shining armour found Kiran Desai's Inheritance of Loss.

People may call it piracy, but it isn't. For one, the ebooks are ebooks; they can't be regarded as hardback or paperback commercial items. Also, there is a disclaimer on the site that as in the case of any library, the novels downloaded by any reader have to be deleted after five days, as a method of returning them to the library. Thirdly, no money exchanged hands. However, there is a special section for people who want to donate through PayPal. (Audioslave released their album for free on their site, yet there were millions who downloaded it through torrents. With such a large number of cheapstakes around, I wonder if anyone actually donates anything to truly-free.org).

Anyways, coming back to the point, if you are not averse to reading books on your computer or mobile device, here is a special site that can satisfy all your literary whims and fancies. A word of caution though, do not expect to find mainstream authors like Dan Brown here. But you can find Ian McEwan, Margaret Atwood, John Le Carre, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and ehm...our very own...V.S. Naipaul (Some people adore his writing, my opinion is quite the opposite).

Happy reading.

With the happy thought that he might have helped other voracious readers in CyberSpace, our knight rides off into the sunset.

Books give not wisdom where was none before, But where some is, there reading makes it more. - Sir John Harington

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Management Fundae for Dummies (by Dummies)

These days it seems any dolt with a computer and internet connectivity can churn out a business book & make a few bucks. As a matter of fact, that's what most of the so-called management gurus believe. Everyday, there's a new book in print by one of these glib fibbers.

Personally, I despise management books. After reading about half-dozen (actually, two) of these time-wasters I believe that now I have sufficient authority on the subject to air my views. I began nurturing a dislike for the books when I realized that they actually are worth nothing. Not one book contained anything other than common sense. "If you sell more, you will earn more! If you cut costs enough, you can increase revenues without actually selling more!". DUH!

Management is not something a person can be taught. Its a practical subject and can be demonstrated by anyone. Become one of the organizers of your College Fest and you'll know what teamwork actually is. Leadership will be shown by students who were organizers last year too. So why do students of IIMs get so absurd salaries? Elementary, my dear reader. The entrance test for management institutes is one of the toughest in the world. The students who are able to bell the CAT are in fact, cream of the academia. The fact that they made it to prestigious institutes speaks volumes about their capability. After addition of a few finishing touches by the institution, they are ready to refuse a package of Rs 12 crore per annum and start their own business.

Frankly, my disposition towards the fad has earned me many enemies. Once I hid my good friend's management bible. He went to Indrajit Hazra who went on to write about "Who moved my Who Moved My Cheese?". I thought about returning the book, but it turns out that it became my Pillar of Strength. Actually, its supporting my limp computer table right now.

Anyhow, there's a plus side to the management invasion. As a matter of fact, I have developed a sureshot plan to make a lot of money from this instant money-making scheme. I plan to get in conflict with the most famous ones of the lot to gain instant publicity.

My masterplan includes releasing my own New York Times #1 bestseller, titled "The Engineer who bought a second-hand Ferrari from a Monk", blasting all management principles promoted by the self-styled managers. It will be succeded by a superhit sequel "Why did I buy another one of these Books? And other silly questions". As a matter of fact, I plan to write business books until the readers run out of money (or New York Times proclaims me as the next Robin Sharma).

BRAINWAVE:

Why does New York Times have so many #1 bestsellers? From Robert Ludlum to Spencer Johnson, everyone's been a #1 bestselling author. An underground mafia running the management book printing business? We may never know.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Indrajit Hazra

Humor is the shortest distance between two people
- Henry Youngman

Wait a minute! Wait. Wait. I'm having a thought. Oh yes. Oh yes. I'm going to have a thought. It's coming. It's coming. ...It's gone.

Well, writing about one of the few contemporary authors who has influenced me a lot by
his writing is...well...not easy. Indrajit Hazra has been with Hindustan Times for I wonder how long. If you haven't heard of him, try checking the music reviews section or even the centre page of the Sunday Edition.

Indrajit's style can be classified as Douglas Adams-ish. There's the usual sarcasm and dark wit prevailing over otherwise dull news. His writing heavily derives from the caustic humour that brought everlasting fame to Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

What I like about his style is that exact pin-point, sharp-shooting, hitting the nail on the head with a sniper's accuracy. His articles contain a solid punch with a loud in-your-face limbo. That's what makes a writer stand out nowadays, the same as 30 years ago.

To speak about his music reviews is inviting trouble. For one, they can't be summarized by any other word except Mind-boggling (suffixed by any of the following: crazy, stupid, critical, well-written, mindless). In fact, his articles are taken as crazy and well-written at the same time (which is a big thing to say about any journalist, atleast in my eyes). Each of his review shows sign of effort, never have I seen an article in his name that could be regarded as passable. It would seem he listens to each record before forming an opinion and sharing it with the readers. How much truth is there in this observation, I do not know.

Anyways, a writing force like Indrajit Hazra can't be constrained to writing music reviews and Sunday editorials. So, his novels were not unexpected. What was unexpected though , was his perverted sense of humour finding its way into them too. Each of his novels (the last one, The Bioscope Man, released three months ago) contains the same dark comedy that has slowly become his signature.

Although, personally I haven't read any of them, I have read enough reviews to know what to expect.

Here's looking at you, kid! - Robert de Niro

PS.
Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. The intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is all. - Oscar Wilde

PPS.
What's with the quotations? you may ask. Nothing particular, they just fitted in. :-P

Friday, July 04, 2008

Indian Idle

Well, this post has taken a lot of time. Not because I was busy as such, but there are other things like semester exams etc. which really require a lot of time and effort. Being the final semester of third year of engineering, I no longer have any faith in the current syllabus followed by our University. Heck, we are stuck with reading about IDE drives while SATA-II revolution has changed the meaning of hard disks everywhere. Anyways, my semester got over and I was left with nothing to do. So I did what I thought was a logical action: Switch on the TV.

I had been bashing INDIA TV for everything; Khali to Youtube video ripoffs. Apparently, there's more to INDIA than INDIA TV. Its a fictitious work called Reality TV. The channels are swarming with shows that show "Reality"...apparently.
As far as I can remember, it all started with the internationally acclaimed Idol series making it debut on Indian television 4-5 years ago. There was a certain Abhijeet Sawant whose voice brought a nation together. Moving on, presently there are atleast four to five song/dance shows on each channel. Be it Star's Voice of India, Zee TV's SA RE GA MA PA Challenge, or even Sony's Indian Idol. Other less popular ones include Fame Gurukul among others. TRP ratings of these shows used to hit the roof when the inevitable occurred. The channels lost the concept of reality. Each and every precious moment the contestants shared turned into nothing more than a publicity gimmick.
So, we had Harshit's octogenarian grandmother congratulating him on live television with everyone on stage crying to their hearts' content (It really made my stomach churn). Once upon a time, when we watched these shows, there was bond we developed with the participants. They were one of us, struggling to make a place in society. Their pain was our pain. We laughed when Rahul Vaidya cracked jokes, we cried when he was voted out. Somehow, gradually the connection was lost. A tried and tested success mantra bit the dust due to over-repetition.

Word of the Day: OVERKILL.

Now we have Star's "Jo jeeta vo Superstar", a platform for the finalists of Indian Idol, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, Voice of India etc to once again compete for the #1 spot. Well...it's not alone. On a similar track is Zee's "Ek Se Badhkar Ek". Now, the contestants; although familiar faces; seem distant. There's no bond, no connection. Most of them are now playback singers or have big record labels backing them. And WHERE'S THE REALITY, for crying out loud? Even the conversation between participants is some sort of advertisement.

"Hey, why don't you try ***** shampoo? It will make your hair smooth and silky."

"Thanks, it really works!!! WOW!! Now my hair is smooth and silky!"

OH PLEASE! We don't need that. Are you playing with our emotions? Cut it out!

Well, leave it to the channels to destroy an internationally successful franchise.
With these thoughts in mind, I switch to Cartoon Network. Ben10 and Naruto are good enough to pass the time. Atleast they don't have a silly anchor shedding crocodile tears.


P.S:
Even stand-up comedy hasn't been spared. We have all sorts of vulgar/obscene remarks being telecast in the name of comedy. It all started with an experimental show called Laughter Challenge. Its the same Laughter Challenge that gave us Raju Srivastava, who is now a pet of all news channels. Go figure!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Wind of Change

I've been bashing my college for quite sometime now. I hope someone from the idiotic management will actually understand the need to bring in some drastic changes. This is the story of a very tiny idea that signalled a wind of change.

Introduction:
Well, I've been to quite a few reputed colleges to take part in their fests. The list includes PEC Chandigarh, NIT Kurukshetra and IIT Roorkee. And I have seen the differences between the students there and in our college. The need of the hour is to bring our college at par with the rest. So begins an experiment...

Description:
Almost all brainiacs I know have tried KlueLESS. If you are a brainiac and don't know what I'm talking about, Google for Klueless. You'll find a link that goes something like www.iimi-iris.com/irising/...etc. Its a real test of general awareness and mental ability. People have appreciated the effort. However, in my college its absurdity mortified. Students can't tell the difference between Ray-Ban and Fast-Track. Implementing something of the sort in my college would be a waste of time.

Preparation:
I was too impressed by the idea so couldn't give up that easy. And the idea turned into a pet project. A small timeline is provided for the benefit of people who want to make one on their own too.

Brainstorming/Thinking up questions/site layout : 2 months.
Collecting data/Photoshop imaging : 2 weeks.
Uploading content/Formatting pages : 2 days!

And the site was ready to go!
Now, the tough part! Convincing the President of ISTE that its a hip event requiring ZERO manpower during execution was easy. Convincing the rest of the college was the real challenge.

Observation:
In my college nobody knew what was going on, as expected. I had to make myself extremely approachable so that the students could atleast try to solve it. Word-of-mouth publicity was done by all organizers and event managers in the college. Even my phone number wass replicated on the site at atlest two places to make the contenders feel comfortable. Even the level of difficulty was reduced to almost 0. Besides, the time limit was changed to a staggering 56 hours. Praying for glory, I left it all to fate.

Discussion:
Occasionally, diamonds are found in coal mines. Unbelievably, my site was solved by a student of MMEC, Shaurya, in 8 hours (The fact that we are friends is not concealed from anyone in college. And the transparency applied made the decision irrefutable). In all 7 students solved the site. And plenty more discovered googlepages. So we have 5 inspired sites competing with each other for glory. A lot more sites on different themes have come up on googlepages courtesy of Mullana students. So everyone learnt something useful while doing something creative.

Result:
Mission Accomplished. End of Paleolithic Age and beginning of Neolithic Age. There IS intelligent life on this isolated planet called Mullana.

External Links:

For beginners: I have to thank my good friend NITIN KHANNA for this.
www.freestuffhotdeals.com/hacker/1.html

KlueLESS: use Google to search the term. Link looks somewhat like
www.iimi-iris.com/iris...game.asp

Return of Moriarty: My own creation.
http://return.of.moriarty.googlepages.com

Friday, May 16, 2008

Head Held High

Okay. This one's about coming to terms with my college. Frankly, everything I write in this blog is true (atleast everything about myself and my college). For those of you who think I did not write the truth, start your own blog. My perspective may differ from yours. Write your side of the story if you want to.

My college is one among the several engineering institutes located in desolate villages that are non-existent on Google Earth. Unbelievably, Google Earth shows only a barren area where our college should be located. I must admit, "Don't see Evil" acquires a whole new dimension!

Anyways, being admitted to the middle-of-nowhere wasn't that bad. As a matter of fact, as much as I hate the place, there was no competition for me. The undisputed leader of the unled. I was King!

Studies are something for which our college is famous. Because of the simple fact that there is nothing else. Sports? The college is meant for Narayan Murthys, not the Bhaichung Bhutias! Girls are reprimanded for wearing tops and jeans (salwar Kameez is the way to go). Boys are suspended if found in the company of any member of the opposite sex. Or if they are discovered in the hostel during college timings. Girls staying in the hostel have to be inside the hostel premises within half an hour of college getting over (Mr Dahiya, how can we ever repay you?). At around 5:30 pm local time, the Girls hostel is Curfew Zone. And if that wasn't enough, the college is located in the scenic surroundings of dung-ridden farms and fields. As a result, the guards do not discriminate much between cattle and students.

Having an above-average IQ turned out to be a bane for me (Yes! Its true! ABOVE average). All my talks seemed to fall on fall on deaf ears. First year was depressing enough. Second year began to eat away at my skills. My talent was rotting in an institute of the pre-cambrian era. Then one fine even semester, I became the organizing member of an event. ISTE, the name is enough. Find the details HERE. The entire third year was dedicated to the society. I even took a PG accommodation near my college because of it. One year after I had organized my first event, I was made Vice-President. The sad part is though, I wasn't made VP because of my skills but because I had no competition.

The sixth semester is about to come to an end. It is certain who the President will be next year. Oh well!

Then comes the story of my department. Computer engineering students are not just good at studies, they are all-rounders. However, to bring about a change, you have to be the change. Every year, 100 bucks were collected from all students in the name of our society. The catch: There was No such society. So I got down to formulate a plan for making the computers department society. And TROJANS was born. Due to the immense effort of a great friend and fellow Infoscion; Nishant; a dream was realized. The Head of the Department was impressed. And I learnt a new lesson.

There are good people and bad people. People who work and those who can make others work. Just put others before self and you'll end up going lower than any self-respecting man has gone before. And finally, I found meaning in my college life. I was meant to change the course of history. Bring the college from the pre-historic times into the modern age.

And I'm happy to be here,
In the middle of nowhere!

Mullana

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labour, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


You know you are in MMEC when:
  • Girls are reprimanded for wearing jeans and tops.
  • Hostlers can not enter their rooms during college timings.
  • The only way to bunk classes is by going to the library.
  • Heavy metal/ Death metal/Hard rock/English has has got only one name - Linkin Park
  • The snide comment "99% of the girls are beautiful, rest are in my college" actually depicts the truth.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Great Indian Backstabber

A backstabber is someone who stabs a knife in your back. and the reason your back is turned towards them is because you trust them. Sometimes, the betrayal turns out to be far more painful than the wound itself.

So, who is the backstabber I'm talking about? our very own news channel, INDIA TV!!!

It all began with a small piece about the family of an Indian. This person had become very famous doing what he does best; beating up people. He had won accolades for his performance in the United States. Slowly, the news about this great Indian ambassador of sports gained momentum. Gradually, news about his latest exploits became part of the daily fixture. If you haven't yet realized which personality I'm talking about, here's a clue: WRESTLING. Yes, the great KHALI was India TV's pet. Other news channel were taken aback by the sudden surge in INDIA TV's TRP. They also joined the bandwagon and Khali became the new prime-time superstar.

All this while, I was cursing India TV for laying the path for a new superstition. WWE stands for World Wrestling ENTERTAINMENT for a reason. It is just an elaborate setup. The participants are not wrestlers but skilled athletes. My cries were wasted on laymen who celebrated triumphs over Undertaker and Batista. It is said that a lie told a thousand times will become the truth. People readily accepted Khali as a great wrestler. India TV made him a star with pirated videos of his fights (courtesy: YouTube).

For almost six months, Khali was the ruler of prime-time news. Aaj Tak and Star News had fallen for the bait; hook, line and sinker. Khali dominated these channels. He even appeared on Aaj Tak to wish the viewers a Happy Holi. And then, the Ides of March did what they do best. Brutus betrayed Caesar.

India TV did an elegant volte-face. With the panache of a deadly assassin, India TV started showing videos depicting wrestling as a sham. For an entire week, hours were dedicated on describing how fake blood is used for effect, how to throw opponents without breaking their neck, how each wrestling match is fixed etcetera etcetera. Its as if India TV was trying to save us from worshipping a mythical monster. Now, Khali was Public Enemy #1. But what about the thousands who prayed for Khali's success? What about the naive millions who spent sleepless nights thinking about the injuries to his interpreter thinking it was all real? It was India TV which brought Khali into limelight. It was India TV that was washing its hands off the matter. Sheer brilliance!

I thought the media could not sink any lower, India TV easily proved me wrong. Aaj Tak and Star News had been hit below the belt. Both were left red in the face. But at what cost? Millions of viewers trusted these channels to provide them with important information. And what did they do? Glorified a stage artist when even vital issues were left in the lurch. In a bid to outdo each other, the unsuspecting viewer was taken for a ride.

The news channels that fell into India TV's trap are not innocent. But what the people at India TV have done is UNFORGIVABLE. They have played with the trust of millions. Only an apology can clear the air. Frankly, I don't think I will be ever able to trust them enough to accept their apology.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Writer's Block

It was a dark and stormy night. Rahul was asleep in his bed. When suddenly, the door sprung open. He was not alone! By the time Rahul realized what was happening it was already too late.

Do you want to read any further? I won't blame you if the answer is a resounding NO. The fact is, its a piece of literature that would put VS Naipaul (of Nobel fame) to shame. Sometimes, doing something you like turns out to be the most difficult task to perform. Let me illustrate with an example. I love writing! On anything and everything under the Sun. There's no one stopping me and yet I can't think of any mind-boggling Earth-shaking ideas like weasels wearing cardboard shirts. Scientists call it the Writer's Block. A peculiar condition with an unimaginative name. They might as well have called it Noideaswhatsoeverinmind.(On second thoughts, Writer's Block is easier to remember)

A month ago, a good friend of mine asked me whether I would like to contribute articles to a magazine he was starting. Sure! No problem, my pleasure. Heck, I may be studying engineering but I'm a journo at heart!
And so promises were made.

Its been ages since the offer and I still don't have any good ideas forming in my mind. My poor dear friend has run out of adjectives that are cursive in nature. (Note: Cursive means what I want it to mean)
So finally, I'm writing about a Writer's Block, that too my own. Which brings us to
Word of the Day: OXYMORON!!!

In case you are one of those people who are too lazy to flip the pages of a dictionary, an oxymoron is a straightforward statement using contradictory words to lay emphasis on the object. For example, a little too much, true lies etc.

PS. Hey Vishv, sorry to have kept you waiting for so long. Once I have something to write about, you'll be the first to know.

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has-or rather had-a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

So began the legendary Douglas Adams in his epoch-making, path-breaking, gut-wrenching, brain-twisting Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy.
The story begins with a house. A house that was to be demolished to make way for a bypass.

Bypasses are devices which allow some people to drive from point A to point B very fast whilst other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people of point B are so keen to get there, and what's so great about point B that so many people of point A are so keen to get there.

Arthur Dent, our slow-witted protagonist sees his house get demolished and then his planet. The Earth is obliterated by a Vogon spacefleet to make way for a Hyperspatial Express Route ( An Intergalactic Bypass). Arthur's friend, Ford Prefect from Betelgeuse, saves him by hitching a ride on one of the Vogon ships.

What follows is a nightmare, for any reader of science-fiction that is. There's Zaphod Beeblebrox, the President of the Universe, travelling in a stolen spaceship (Heart of Gold) powered by Infinite Improbability Drive in search for the Ultimate Question. Helping him in his ludicrous quest are Trillian, the only other survivor from sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha (Earth) and Marvin, the paranoid android. At the centre lies the Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy. The book is what its name suggests: Marvels of the Universe for less than thirty Altairan dollars a day.

What is the Ultimate Question? It is something without which the Ultimate answer is incomplete. At this point however, in the mind of the reader the ultimate question is: What is the Ultimate Answer? Well, its the ULTIMATE answer. The answer to Life, Universe and Everything.

The book, if you haven't noticed yet, is full of insightful sentences. Of course, most of the insight is lost to the utter absurdity of the book. I'm including a few quotes from the book here. There is something called copyright infringement, but then imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Here is glimpse of what the book has in store for you:

  • Arthur felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
  • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  • In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
  • The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
  • Space...is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.
  • Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the Galaxy-not actually evil, but bad tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat and recycled as firelighters. The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

The Hitch-hiker's Guide is a really wonderful book. Un-put-down-able, a word coined by the slang-happy Americans, actually is quite fitting.

PS. The Hitch-hiker's Guide was meant to be a trilogy. The first and most popular book was The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Mostly Harmless was the fifth book in the trilogy of four books. Don't scratch your heads. You'll do that in plenty when you read the book.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Stapler Story

So I cleared the written for Infosys. Holy cow! The HR interview was next. Now, I have a thing with interviews and vivas. Reminiscent of Hari of FPS. Anyways, there I was, waiting outside the Grilling Chamber for my turn to be deep-fried. The interviews in our college are conducted in computer labs. The labs have glass doors, so the interviewer has plenty of time to observe us while we wait for an eternity of waiting to end.

For whole 5 minutes I was made to sit right outside the room like a gatekeeper. (Thinking of metaphors is the last thing on a person's mind when he's waiting for an interview). Finally, the call came. Frankly, everyone was expecting me to breeze through the interview. My mind told me a different story. It didn't feel it could handle the pressure and was threatening to leave me when I needed it the most. Gathering my shredded-to-pieces guts, I made my way across the room.

"Good evening, sir!"
"Good evening. Please sit down"
Good start!

"Please fill in the form" and a form was handed over to me. I had to fill in my roll number, name, signature and time of entry. I could only appreciate the beauty of it. A clock was kept right there on the table. The form was merely a test of observational skills. I had asked my friend the time before I had entered the lab. Using my own calculations I arrived at a time 15 minutes into the past. The interviewer thought I was half-crazy. By the end of the interview, he knew I was completely off the hook.

The interview started off with the typical "Tell me about yourself?". So I began, "Sir, my name is Anurag. I hail from Chandigarh..ummm". I forgot! A self-introduction is a person's gateway to a good company. And I forgot! Seriously, one of the best speakers in my class was tongue-tied in front of a mere mortal!
"Sir! May I start again?", I asked innocently.
"Look, I know your name is Anurag and you are from Chandigarh. Continue"
The nightmare had officially begun.

"Tell me about your parents" A simple question. I answered all questions pertaining to my father. My mother is a teacher. That was the albatross around my neck. She teaches Chemistry in Tenth. So, it should be my favourite subject, Mr. HR said. Not by a long shot, I replied. Frankly, I hate chemistry. All apologies to chemistry teachers worldwide, especially my mum. Anyways, our conversation refused to drift and remained stuck to one subject: Chemistry.

"What do you dislike about Chemistry?"
"Basically Organic, sir. I just couldn't cram all those conversions."
"So, what does organic mean?"
My brain became hyperactive at that point in time. I won't give up without a fight.
"Organic...ogans...organisms. Organic is related to life. The first organic compound was Marsh gas...methane that was formed by decomposition of living tissues."
Holy cow! Did I just say that? Yes, I did.

"You mentioned methane. What is its formula?"
"CH4!!" I don't know why I even bothered to answer. Chemistry is not HR. I was screwed bigtime.
"So what is NH4?"
"Sir, NH4 itself is just an ion. NH3 is ammonia. NH4OH is ammonium hydroxide, NH4Cl is ammonium chloride."
So how did I remember these things from the hated subject?
"Sir, I don't know. Its probably becuase I have a sharp memory. I just remember things."
You NEVER ever say such things in an HRI. But I did. I had decided I might as well have some fun. Chances of selection were slim.

Yadi yadi yada...and the famed question arrived

"Anurag, what can you do with this stapler?"
There, staring at me was the stapler in an attractive shade of red. I decided to take a few deep breaths. Probably the stapler will disappear, even better the interviewer will disappear. Bad Luck, No Miracles!

Then, in a brilliant flash of brilliance, it hit me.
"Sir, notice the spring action of the stapler. I could design a circuit so that a bulb will light up whenever the stapler is closed. It will act like a buzzer. One wire from upper end to the bulb, another from bottom end to other terminal."
"What else?"
The stroke of genius was diminished with just two words: What Else. Here, I had a Nobel Prize winning invention and the interviewer wanted to hear more.
"Sir, I could build a burglar alarm based on concept of circuits."
"What else?"
Man, these HR people are cruel!
"I need time to think."
"You need more time??" Finally, he was surprised. Definitely, not a good thing.
Now, It was time for me to shut up and listen.

"Can you use to remove staples?"
I nodded in agreement. The obvious can be painful.
"Can you use it as a paperweight?"
Holy cow! Why didn't I of think of that. Must have a screw loose somewhere.
"Can you use it as a weapon, for throwing at someone like myself?"
"Definitely, Sir" I chuckled.

Some more talk and he started exchanging pleasantries. I better start preparing for the next company. We shook hands and I was out.
Finally, when I heard my name in the final list, I knew the stapler clinched it for me.
Wherever that stapler is, I wish it succeeds in everything it does. God bless the stapler.
And everyone else on this planet.

Yours truly
Infoscion Anurag.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

India TV - Paradise Lost

When Rajat Sharma first conceived the idea of his own news channel, I was overjoyed. After all, AAP KI ADALAT was a favourite show of mine. Rajat Sharma's personality exuded the fact that the channel was going to be something Indians had never seen before. He was right. But in a different way altogether.

Starting off with some huge exposes, INDIA TV promised the moon. It seemed corruption would not stand a chance against the channel. From the politbureau to film stars, the channel was afraid of none. Unbiased reporting became its unique selling point.
And then...

Slowly, the rot began to creep in. INDIA TV had a niche market growing smaller by the day. With time, the market forces took control of the channel. The channel no longer subscribed to the same ideals that it was founded upon. Sensationalism was the key to survival.
"Man predicts he will die in 24 hours - Exclusive"
"Khali beats Undertaker - Breaking news"
"Amitabh Bachchan has common cold - 1 hour special"
"Aliens on the moon? - 3 hour special"

A new term TABLOIDization was coined to describe this behaviour. Somehow, true journalism was lost while meaningless gossip ruled the roost. Shahid-Kareena-Saif love triangle became more important than Indo-US nuclear deal.

Working 24 hours, the reporters could only come up with material that can be called NEWS only by an ignoramus. Nowadays, they download videos from YouTube and show them on television as exclusively covered events. Only last night, they were broadcasting a performance by David CopperField (Undoubtedly, one of the best illusionists of the 20th century). The poor reporters didn't even know who he was and kept referrring to him as a con man..[This person has cut himself in half, this person has girls dancing around to distract you, This person is an impostor!]. Pathetic!

The losers at the studio even had an EXPERT on the sets telling people that humans cannot fly. Disgrace!

I have only one advice to give to Rajat Sharma. AAP KI ADALAT is good. But one show can't save an entire channel (KBC was an exception). You held the world in your arms...and you let it slip. The good times are over.

And to you my readers,
If you are ever feeling stupid and believe there can be no one stupider than you, simply switch on the TV and turn to INDIA TV.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Another One Bites The Dust

I read the newspaper everyday. Big deal! So does everyone else. But how many actually read between the lines? Everyday there are reports about someone being lynched by a mob, someone's office being wrecked by activists, religious fanatics destroying somebody's home. A heartless wind of change is blowing. Critics say that nothing has changed. Man has been killing Man since Cain and Abel.
So what's the fuzz?

First of all, mob actitivities have increased manifold. From Bajrang Dal to ABVP, somehow mobs rule the roost.

Nowadays, anyone accused of any crime is beaten up by a mob and handed over to the police, if he manages to stay alive, that is. Why? Has the law and order situation declined so much in our country that civilians have to take matters in their own hands. Or do they think that they can get away with murder if the mob is large enough? Why is it that the police conveniently manages to stay away from areas where these havoc- wreaking crowds are unleashed? Somehow, I don't feel safe anymore. Not even in my silent neighbourhood. People are dissatisfied, heads easily boil over, official complaints are now forwarded to hot-headed leaders instead of law-keepers.
Everyday, there is news of someone's life being destroyed by these self-proclaimed law-keepers. And they get away with it, needless to mention 'in broad daylight'.
There was an incident of a teacher who was falsely accused of pimping her students. She was beaten up brutally and paraded around naked. By the time the truth came out and her innocence proved, it was too late. Her life can never be the same again. It pains me how people have adjusted their mentality to this "Guilty until proven otherwise". What's more...her assailants were never arrested, protected by the local political leaders.

What is the world coming to?
It pains me too much to ask.

Powered by Intellect, Driven by Values

9 am IST
I was sitting in yet another boring substitute lecture. Our regular teacher had his MTech exams so we were left in the safe hands of another. First lecture of the day and I was already counting sheep.

9:30 am IST
As soon as the first lecture was over, I ran out to get a breath of fresh air. That's when I bumped into Aashish. Aashish (sir) is in final year. He was the new President of ISTE. (Check out the article on Akhil Sir for more information about this notorious society). It turned out that he was looking for me since 9am. Too bad he didn't check room 125. I could have given my left hand to bunk that lecture!!
Anyways, he took me to Mr. Manjeet Singh Ladhar (Introducing....the Training & Placement Officer of MMEC, hereon referred to as the TPO).

9:40 am IST
It turned out that an important official from Infy was coming to our college to give a small presentation about the company. The TPO wanted me to take care of the management. According to him, I had volunteered. In fact, I had...sort of. You don't go out saying NO to your TPO. Refusing your TPO is like Bungee Jumping without a rope! So I took the responsibility for making announcements in all the classes and other menial jobs like checking out the equipment in the Seminar Hall, arranging the mikes and stuff.

10 am IST
Things had turned out great! After making the announcements in all the classes alongwith a friend, I headed towards the Seminar Hall. Four of my friends had volunteered to check out the equipment, the same way I had volunteered. By the time I entered the Seminar Hall, the TPO had begun a preliminary session telling the students how they should behave yati yati yata. He's a good person at heart, I will probably write about him someday.

10:50 am IST
HE entered the Seminar Hall. Mr. Sudhir Mishra, HR Department, Infosys.
I can never forget him for the simple reason that he looked just like one of us. About 25 years of age, a smile on his clean-shaven youthful face. That's when I realized the gravity of the situation. A person from Infy was in our college because he saw enough potential here to actually adjust his schedule and come to our out-of-the-way location. Amazing!

11:00 am IST
Powered by Intellect, Driven by Values
For those of you who don't know, its the motto of Infy. Somehow, when I first saw the words on the projection screen, it struck a deeper chord. Ethics and Brains, the two things I value the most in a friend. Every word uttered by Mr. Mishra made me even more impressed by the company. Humbe beginnings in the minds of four friends, over twenty years in the unforgiving IT industry and now one of the most sought after company of our times, he gave me every reason why I should join the Infy family.

11:40 am IST
Mr. Sudhir was showing a powerpoint presentation. He focused on one word, "OPEN DOOR". He asked us what it meant. I said that it meant that anyone could approach their seniors anytime whenever faced with difficulty. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "How do you know? Do you have a brother or sister working in Infy?", he asked. If only I had not been taken in by the moment I would have replied,"No sir, no one in my relations works in Infy. But I want to!"

I wondered whether anyone else felt as passionate as I did when the presentation concluded. There was only one thing in my mind. If there was any company in the world for which I would dedicate my lifetime, it was Infosys. And still is!
Placement interviews start one week from now. And I have just one goal in mind, To become an Infoscion.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

My Favourite Movies

List of movies I watched ..& enjoyed:

Hindi:
Andaz Apna Apna
Dil Chahta Hai
Bluffmaster
Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Sholay
Rang De Basanti
Munnabhai MBBS
Tare Zameen Par

English:
Memento
Serendipity
The Bourne Trilogy
Transformers
Cry Wolf
The Terminal
Batman Begins
If Only
Beauty and the Beast(yep..Disney's)
Finding Nemo
Big Fish
She's All That
Top Gun
K-pax
Forrest Gump
Shrek 1,2
Ice Age
The Game
Spy Game
Matrix Trilogy
LOTR trilogy
& ......

My Favourite TV shows

Psych
DragonBall Z
CSI
Maximum eXposure
The Office
F*R*I*E*N*D*S
Bean
L O S T (Season 1)
The Apprentice
Home improvement
Seinfeld
Gamer.tv

My Favourite Singers/Bands

Hindi:
Shaan,
KK,
Lucky Ali,
Strings

English:
LINKIN PARK,
Def Leppard,
Fort Minor,
Creed,
Simple Plan,
Nickelback,
Enigma,
Daft Punk,
Evanescence,
Duran Duran

& others like Vertical Horizon, Incubus, 3 doors down, Hoobastank...

My Favourite Books

Ayn Rand - The Fountainhead
Douglas Adams -Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Paulo Coelho- The Alchemist
Robert Ludlum - The Bourne Identity
Jack London - Call of the Wild
Jeffrey Archer's short stories
Any book by Agatha Christie
Edgar Allan Poe - The Tell-Tale Heart
George Orwell - Animal Farm
Des McHale - 'Wit' series
Eoin Colfer - Artemis Fowl series
Eoin Colfer - The Wish List
Dan Brown - Angels and Demons
Emile Bronte - Wuthering Heights
Victor Hugo - Hunchback of Notre Dame
Matt Dickinson - Black ice
Premchand's any book
Satyajit Ray's Feluda
JRR Tolkien - Lord Of The Rings
Shakespeare's Abridged stories translated for laymen
& a lot of others.....